ok, I just dont know what the hell to do.. Ok I’ve never told my story on here but I think I’m gonna do it now.. so one year and seven months ago my grandmother died. She was seriously EVERYTHING to me. She was the only person I could tell everything to and she was kinda my best friend. There is no word to discribe who our relationship was. Â when she died (of canser when she was 63) I was broken. But I kinda didnt understand it. I lost half of my family.. cause she was the only one who made me keep in touch whit “the other part” of my family.. you see my mom left my dad when I was two and woulndt let me meet him, cause he is “sick in his head” if you know what I mean. but my grandmother let me see my dad and the rest of that family (aunts, cousins and more) (and BTW yeah it was ok for my mom) and I really did love this family.. when my Grandmother died I lost that family.. and her ofc… That really hurt. The last time I saw anyone from that family was in my grandmothers funeral that was a year and seven months ago. My dad has a new wife and two children.. I have met one of those kids (my brother) and I havent even met my sister .. it kinda hurts but Its kinda my fault.. cause my dad text me, butI dont write him back. I just think it’s too much to handle, even though I miss him so much. Ive tryed to kill myself four times, and I do selfharm. Today my bestfriend (seriously I love her of my hole heart) told my she tryed to kill herself. THAT HURTS TOO. I know she is going through a hard time but when I heard she tryed to kill herself, i just felt my heart broke. And one month and ten days ago my ex boyfriend did break up with me.. and that still hurts. I just dont know what to do..
1. my heart is broken my my ex
2. my bestfriend tryed to kill herself
3. My grandma died ( my everything)
4. my dad isnt there for me
5. people that say they can help, cant
6. I am in a risk to be put in on a psychiatrick hospital
7. my mom is not going too work because of me
8. Im starting to lose friends at school
9. Im adicted to FS and my fav FSer just got suspended..
10. my crush is my ex
11. I cant stop self-harm
12. people make it worst
13. Ive been depresed for a year and about seven months
14. Ive never been real happy in a LOOOOOOOOONG time
15. when I was a child I did not have real friends (I got real friends when I just turnd 14 and now Im 15)
16. school is going to hell I cant consentrate
I just cant find the good things in life..
BTW; I write loads word wrong but Im just too tired to clean it up.
10 comments
Be with your friend, she obviously needs your help and it obvious you could use hers too. There is no reason for each of you to suffer alone if you have each other and if you both have tried to kill each other and truly love each other then you should be able to find real understanding in the other. As for your family, what is stopping you from seeing them? If they live too far it can always be arranged, save money as you can, plan it and go. If you don’t know where they are in this day and age it’s easy to find people, or you could just ask your father. If he loves you he will be there for you no matter how long it takes for you to go and reach out for him. What you need now is to calm down for a little while so you can start to regain control, little by little. Right now just try to empty your mind, do something you enjoy over and over again (not self-harming if possible though) till you’re too drained for sadness and you can start thinking clearly again.
I wish I could help you, I really do. But at least I know you have what it takes to get through if you can just find the strength to take a step back and go for it. This is not me “pep talking” you either. It’s a logical assessment and should be taken as such.
Always feel free to tell what’s in your mind, you can always do that here. That at least is something I and the people here can offer you.
Good Luck.
I dont know what to say except that my best friend tried to commit suicide too. After she was gone for a few days i went to her house and her brother told me that she was at a place that was pretty much a mental hospital and it hurt a lot to see that. So in a way i can relate but i also know that in other ways i cant. Im sorry you feel there are no good things in life, I really am. :/
that is wierd…..my grandma just died…..of cancer….because of which i lost connections to alot of my family…..and im thinkin bout suicide as well and i understand why you would rant to people you dont know on the internet about it….because if you tell a real person they can lock you up and nobody wants that….i was actually about to go on about what i hate about my life as well but thats not really me……….anyway there may be pleanty of reasons for sombody to not Want To live but there are also pleanty of reasons for sombody to Want To Live such as being there for your friend….you guys can feel alone together….also i would recomend eating small doses of psilocybe cubensis mushrooms and smoking high doses of marijuana at the same time and you will see the beauty in the world…..i hope you Dont Kill Yourself because i believe that your conciousness is eternal anyway and will live forever which means there is no point in suicide….the point is there is no point….so everytime your dont Feel Happy then listen to your favorite happpy song….that always makes me Feel Happy like i was a little kid….just try to remember to forget the things that arent good…forget to remember the time you didnt Enjoy in Life use your imagination like when you were a happy kid and look at colorfull art that You Enjoy and maybe youl find a reason for Living…….peace
i can relate. although i would suggest u not to take a lot of medicines or drugs. pls stay safe and i hope u get all the happiness in the world bc that’s what u deserve. take care x
and i meant i was thinking about suicide…..i gotta push the negative thoughts away when they come into my mind………it works well if you practise
i understand wat u feel .. coz i have been through not the exact situation but i am still going through a similar situation… i am not able to study becoz of it.. but thinking about those bad stuff or worrying about it wont help.. whenever i feel bad about the problems in my life, i shut my thoughts .. i involve myself in daily chores. think about one thing at a time. and i know that no matter how much i want any1 to kill me, in the end it’s not in my hands.. i am not the one who made my life, so i dnt deserve to end it.. plus all these problems in my life made me realize, i have got nothing to loose as i have already lose every single happiness in my life. but this means i can give it a new start. not for ny1 but 4 myself. not by any1 but by me for me. and it’s k to be miserable. just believe that this time too will pass(end), if u let it to end. fabcde431@gmail.com dat’s my mail id. if u ever need to talk to some1, mail me..!!! gd.tc
i can relate to this sm. babe i know it’s really hard, but if u try to do something u will be able to. believe in urself, believe in God. do things for ur grandmother. do u think she’d like to see u in this condition? no. just try to stay positive as much as u can bc it will help u loads. i did the same thing. it really works, okay? and if u have any problems pls talk to me. i will always be there for u
all the more, i had lost my grandmother too. i bave been through a similar situation so i know how it feels. ily. pls take care of urself.
As I write this I feel a strong spiritual presence, I hope you are still alive after 11 years, live is worth living, suicide hurts everyone in a deep irreversible way, I tried in the past and I was close, I know the helpless feeling, no one should feel that way, when everything piles up against you and you think there is no reason to exist anymore, there is, you may not know who truly cared about you until you are already gone. I know the feeling of wishing it would all stop and peace but no one knows what lies beyond this life and only those who have truly crossed over will know the whole truth. Some religions try to say that suicide is a ticket to hell, that’s not true from what I know and I am a christian, it was something said to keep the population from decreasing a long time ago when the Bible was written. There is definitely an afterlife as I have communicated with spirits many times in my lifetime. I hope you are still here with us and are living your best life, if you have already passed I wish your spirit peace,
Love from Seattle!
-J
I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, it appears to be a string of bad coincidences happening at the same time, without allowing you to recuperate.
Certainly it must be harder to take because you sound young. There is a solution to all these issues. Talk to your mom, let them know you need to see your family members and that you have a right to see your father, even if he is “crazy” as she claims. Or perhaps put it nicer terms like “I need to visit with him.”
You should also text or call your father if you can. He’s clearly tried to reach out to you. I didn’t have the best relationship with my Dad, he wrecked my life in some ways, but he’s done some good things for me as well. As I got older I have maintained a fairly good relationship with him.
As others said it’d be good if you are able to be with your best friend. Perhaps take some medical leave from school to get better.
When I entered university, I was burnt out (from studying so hard in high school) and I was very depressed and ruined my first couple of years in uni (my dad wouldn’t let me take some time off, one reason I hated him)…until I realized what I was doing and that I didn’t want to give up my education, so eventually I got better and completed my degree.
Hopefully you will be allowed to take a few months off school, just get better, but don’t quit education-it’ll reward you in so many ways in life, esp. in terms of a future career and status in life.
I’ve been fortunate so far with friends/family, but my parents are in their 70s and they can go at any time. My close sister, while she’s doing well in life and has a family, she’s mentioned she’s felt suicidal too, because she’s been under a lot of pressure and regrets marrying her spouse.
We have our differences, she’s a strong person but her and my mother are the main reasons I’m still around. I really don’t care that much about my Dad bec he was such an azz to me growing up and put my life on a bad path. However I don’t really have anyone else that can “replace” him, so I keep him in my life but at arm’s length.
Funny thing is only now does he realize what a rotten person he’s been and is trying to make it up to me, most of it’s just too little too late….doesn’t matter now as I’m in nearing 50. I could’ve used his help 20 yrs ago.
Ofc I never wanted to rely on anyone for anything but if life doesn’t go the way you hoped, sometimes you get stuck and are forced to depend on others.
Anyways, I wish you the best and hope that you can reconnect with your other family members again. You will get better in time, what would your grandmother tell you if she was still around? Don’t forget you matter to others in your life like your mom and dad and maybe any close friends you might have. I wish you all the best.
I didn’t proofread, excuse any repetition….we need an edit button.