Get to hold my first born child. I never got to hear him cry or see his beautiful face. It hurts when I see parents with rowdy children in the streets, that my boy will never run rings around me when I desperately need to just get in and out of the shops. I hate the fact my house isn’t covered in new borns clothing and baby toys.
People keep telling me it was for the best (if they’re polite) and he’s happy now. No. He can’t be happy! The happiest, safest place for anyone is in the arms of someone who loves them. But he never got to experience that. He never knew Mummy loves him.
Recently, I’ve wanted nothing more then to leave so I can look after my son like any mother should be able to. Like a good mummy. I figure that if I never wake up, then I can be with him. Then I can shower him with all the love his missed so far. I can get to play with my boy and have him wear my out then wake me up at a silly time again.
I desperately want to be with him. I’ll do anything to hold my baby boy.
3 comments
My Moms lost three kids before she had me. From what I understand about my Moms, and no one knows my Moms better than her son, that’s why she was a little neglectful at times (ya know for like 15 years…) because she didn’t want to get too close to her children cause she couldn’t stand losing us…
I wanna go call my Moms now
Sounds painfully sad.. I’m sorry.
Lulu, I feel your pain, I too have lost a child, my son Jamie he was stillborn at 36 weeks, the most painful part was me having to carry his tiny coffin on my own, I have never really been able to talk about it, which caused my wife to throw me out and take my other children away from me. I’m now in a state of mind where I’m ready to meet Jamie. I honestly hope you have more reason to live than I do, I know losing a child is the most painful thing anyone will ever go through and that time will not ease it at all (5 years for me and still feels like 10 minutes ago) My heart really does go out to you as I know exactly what you’re going through and wouldn’t wish it on anybody, I’m really sorry for your loss and hope you find the strength to carry on!