im 15 and have no idea who i am where i belong and who i should trust…
ya i know this is normal every kid feels this way, but when they say those things their worried bout fittin in at school and if their gonna marry the boy down the street. I’m not, i don’t care about that when i say i don;t know who i am i mean i have nothing…ive lost all ability to have my own thought. I just do what im told and for awhile i thought maybe it’ll change when i turn 18 but i doubt it cuz i keep reaching out for someone to love and a boy convinces me he can take care of me then i get hurt cuz i trust him. I have never found a home i have never been home…i just want to know who i am.
I’m also sick….im really sick i cant even leave the house because when i do i catch every thing that is in the air. I’m so alone i have noone just one boy 2 hours away who says he wants me but honestly he wants out to….were not happy apart or together. I don’t know if im ready to end my life but the thought crosses my mind…the blade calls out to me almost every night when i cry myself to sleep alone and lonely.
what am i suppose to do….i want to feel pain i want to know im my own person but ill disappoint daddy he thinks im smart enough to reach the top…i have to or else he will think i failed. Maybe being what everyone wants will make me happy. I’m so confused, i don’t know anything…
2 comments
You have to free yourself from your father’s and everyone else’s expectations. Fast. By all means do reach “the top” if you want to, but if it happens make it because that’s what you truly wanted for yourself. If you live according to what others want you to be it will mess you up plain and simple. It messed me up, I’ve seen it mess up others and not only those of us who fail to meet expectations but those who manage to meet them as well.
You say you want to know you’re your own person. Treasure that impulse and follow it through. If you don’t know who you are then explore the question, there are at least some things you know about yourself with certainty. Go from there.
I realize this all probably sounds very cliché and that it’s easy for me to say it while it’s you who has to deal with it. In the end it is you who has live your life so you might as well be the one to define who you are, the value of your actions and what’s worth it. It really is as simple (difficult) as that.
Good Luck.
Thank you so much for saying that…i knew most of it already but its nice having someone tell me i am my own person.
I cant say this is changing everything i know how hard my life is and was…harder then ppl imagine and i had to and still have to smile through it…i’ll try is all i can say, i’ll try.