im the one

  October 24th, 2011 by tphg

my family and friends: I know they love and want the best for me. They all support me and try to cater to my bipolar insanity as much as they can. They’re always there for me when I need them. I have a great group of people at my disposal but the problem is me; I don’t care.

I think about myself laying lifeless after whatever suicide method I finally choose and it doesn’t bother to think of all the tears that’ll be shed or the hundreds of people that would go to my funeral.

I know I’m loved, I really do know. But I feel wrong, incompatible, not like them. I don’t have the same unconditional love to give out. The history I have with some people rarely plays a factor in how I treat them.

I’m a psychopath and they’ll never understand. They think I’m just quirky and eccentric but it’s much worse than that. They don’t know, I tried to tell them but they didn’t understand. I’m no good for them, they can’t help me; there’s no helping someone that doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I’m depressed because I know how alone I am. Everyone around me is tame, neutered, part of the herd, incapable of seeing the ties that bind. Either that or they’re aware but try to pray away every problem.

Lonely sub-criminal psychopath. Who is there to spend time with the way that I enjoy spending it: laughing at the misfortune of others, viddying ultra violence on the movie screen and smoking green stogies, crassly conversing about all that’s effed up about the world, wandering, sensation seeking…

Where are my true friends, family and lover? Penitentiaries? Insane asylums? Probably. How do I find the ones that have managed to slip through the cracks as I have?

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