I was fifteen, he was roughly 21. We dated for a week before my parents found us out. We had sex once. Add note here- Just for anyone to know, when I was older, I waited months until myself and a boyfriend indulged in carnal pleasures usually reserved for marital relations, but at fifteen he was so persuasive.. I’m 21 now and my number of sexual partners remains at five. I’m married now. Anyways, back to the story. We dated for a week and had sex once. He supposedly proposed to me, and like a foolish little girl who was taken aback by the affections of an older boy, accepted the ring. I haven’t spoken to him for years, but we ran into each other recently and he had a friend text me and ask if I still had the ring. I’m so angry, if I do find it and I still have it, I’m going to hock the ***** because of all the guilt and disgusted feelings I have towards myself as a result of what “relationship” we had. I don’t believe that after a week of dating and fucking an underage girl, a very stupid, silly, rebellious-towards-her-parents-girl, he would have fallen so in love with me that he’d give me his grandmother’s ring.
After all these years I feel so ashamed at myself, I finally told my husband the story. It was “THE” secret, the ultimate secret, that I held from him. He didn’t judge me, he said “wow, a week and you fucked him? No offense, but that’s kind of whorish”. I don’t take it to offense, because yea- it was. But in my defense, I had no idea what normal was. I just wish it had never happened and I wish I could delete it from my memory. This guy is the scum of the earth for taking advantage of me. I feel like I was raped, but it was consent. It was technically statutory rape. I tried contacting him through facebook a while ago, but he doesn’t get online much. I told him I feel like I want an explanation, or at the very most, an apology. Why would he do that, I was so young, I regret it the most in my life. I hate him for causing me this guilt. I have been so depressed this last year, this is the icing on the cake. Seeing him again re-ignites the feelings of shame. It’s such an embarrassing piece of my past I’d like to bury.
12 comments
You’re actually overreacting to this. You didn’t get pregnant nor sick, word didn’t get out so you weren’t bullied or shamed for it and it didn’t stop you from getting an apparently loving husband that from what you say wasn’t specially hurt or ashamed of you because of this. Maybe it was a little moment of shameful weakness and all but it doesn’t seem to have really affected your life in any significant way. It’s good that you’re looking to get closure but don’t let this have such a strong place in your mind, it really doesnt deserve it. There’s really no point in torturing yourself over this.
Right! Closure is what I really want. Thank you for commenting. Nothing bad resulted from this excepting my parents and siblings reaction, they really made fun of me for it, as expected. And even now, they remind me of this incident. It was six years ago, but the memory and the guilt is still there.
@ruto, the only thing bad that resulted from this is how horribly you and your parents/siblings percieved your own actions to be. Personally I am a bit more liberal than you. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to indulge after only 1 week in sex… but I do agree that you were too young, and the man took advantage of you. However, I don’t think that makes him a terrible person either, you were both just young and stupid and made a mistake.
Think the only way you’re going to get what you want, is if you let go of some of that resentment and stop blaming him entirely for what happened… and one way is to be the better person, and give him back the ring. Then you will always be able to walk with your head high.
I definitely don’t want him to hold a grudge against me for not giving him back his ring, even if I told him I “lost” it, he’d still be angry. I hold a lot of blame for this incident, I must have left that out in my post. I feel like I was very foolish and I kick myself for letting it happen. I guess you’re right, I just need to let it go. I’m terrible at holding grudges, it’s something I need to work on. And @ The Absurdist, you nailed it saying I was “torturing myself over it”. I need to stop it!
Oh my, for once we actually clearly and without doubt actually managed to help someone here. 😀 . Glad you’re properly reconsidering things ruto 😛 .
It;s obvious how much you blame yourself for this incident, it didn’t need to be said explicitly. So yes, you need to let go of the grudge you hold against him, but you also need to let go of the grudge you hold against yourself! (I don’t know if this helps but as I said before, I am more liberal… and I don’t think you did anything wrong, apart from be young and niave). Good luck. I am not christian, but isn’t there something in there… ‘love thyself’?!
Thank you for helping me feel better about this incident. Hey, you guys know there’s a facebook version of SP? Add this nice lady and ask to join, it’s a secret group.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001472166357
Hi, firstly, none of us will judge you here 🙂 We’re all here to help each other out.
I understand why you are feeling guilty, but trust me, forget this scumbag. You have a loving husband who loves you for whoever you are, whereas this guy is some sore loser who still wants the ring back. Why ruin your present for the past?
And thankyou for feeling better! Sometimes we post and post and post and it seems to fall on deaf ears.. it can be disheartening but it’s nice to know that you can make a little difference.
I finally told my husband about this scumbag, it was so embarrassing. He met the guy today and shook his hand, and when they departed, they told each other “nice meeting you!” In the car later I explained to him who that guy was. He was furious that I hadn’t told him about this guy before, he says he wouldn’t have been so nice to him had he known. I told my husband that today was the ONLY day I wanted to discuss this matter.
I’ve seen some trolls on here, I was expecting a troll to pop on my post and call me some less than nice things for having sex at fifteen. Other than the trolls, everyone else seems non-judgmental and kind.
I have actually been called a troll on more than one occasion. I have also seen others called trolls, when I knew they were just misunderstood. Point being, everyone just has a different point of view, so it’s good to TRY to see the value in everyone’s opinion, coz… everyone’s opinion matters!
It’s good that you were firm with your husband in saying that this will no longer be discussed. Sounds like maybe he’s not so understanding… but I dont think you should be embarrassed about making a mistake. At least you learnt a lesson!