I think about suicide just as much as I think about a lot of other things. I imagine what effects it would have on my family, my husband and my toddler. She would say, “mama! mama!” calling me about the house and my family would have to tell her “mama went bye-bye”, and how sad they would feel to have to say that. And my parents, to have raised me all my life, spent time and money and love to shape me to be the being I am, just for me to waste my life. She was going to get her tubes tied, but changed […]
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The thing that REALLY keeps me from doing it is that I’m too scared. I just think about it is all. I think the least painful, but scariest death is to jump off a bridge. But my mangled remains would be too gruesome, I’d like a neater death than that. I think about hanging myself, but I don’t want to have bulgy eyes and blue face. I think about slitting my wrists, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose blood slowly and and freak out as it’s happening- I’ve given blood before, and I hate the feeling of blood leaving my body and make me […]
Today at four in the morning, I had a tiff with my spouse. The subject of divorce had come up, although now after everything has blown over, he takes it back. I thought I was going to jump off the overpass, but I called my counselor and someone who was on-call answered me. It was suggested that I check myself into a hospital. I wasn’t committed even though I had said I was feeling suicidal. Our plan now is that I go back to my counselor’s office and continue counseling, as I had quit going. And I’ll be seeing my doctor about some prescription to […]
I was fifteen, he was roughly 21. We dated for a week before my parents found us out. We had sex once. Add note here- Just for anyone to know, when I was older, I waited months until myself and a boyfriend indulged in carnal pleasures usually reserved for marital relations, but at fifteen he was so persuasive.. I’m 21 now and my number of sexual partners remains at five. I’m married now. Anyways, back to the story. We dated for a week and had sex once. He supposedly proposed to me, and like a foolish little girl who was taken aback by the affections […]