I am 34 years old, and I am dying one tiny slice at a time.
I have a medical condition which medical science won’t even acknowledge. Why? Because those are the bastards that caused me to slowly lose control over my body, with pain and slow degeneration of my brain.
Do not ever take levaquin, cipro, avelox, or any other quinolone. It will be the worst thing you have ever done in your life.
I sit here and agonizing pain in my legs keeps coming and going. I have no strength in my back and little in my arms. I can barely string two words together verbally (I can type fine) or remember really what happened yesterday. Work is so much harder than it used to be.
I just clumsily burned dinner when I dropped a piece of plastic into the pot and then clumsily broke a cabinet door thirty seconds later. My wife won’t answer her phone. She won’t help with dinner or with the kids or with the bills she promised to pay because I did dinner. She’s off playing tennis and she never answers her phone from anyone. And now she wants to buy a better phone, lol, I wonder what for? I hate her, fully loathe her, her laziness, I have hated her for years and now it is far far too late to do anything about it. I gave the best years of my life and sacrificed my ambitions to keep her from having to go back to the third world craphole she came from. I put her through college and grad school. I put up with her job that she insists has to be fifty miles away so that she can’t take care of the kids. I put up with her lack of sex drive, her cold demeanor, her stolid incurious indifference to anything in the world except american idol and and dancing with the stars. I hate her screaming impatience with anything not up to her standards while she won’t do anything for herself. I hate having to defend my children from her passive aggressive (and aggressive aggressive) rages. And now it’s too late to do anything at all about this. I don’t have the strength.
I’m supposed to be picking up the kids from after school. I can’t do much of anything with them anymore. I’m just furniture that yells at them to do things I can no longer do. I hate myself even more than I hate my wife. I was athletic, well-educated, had money in the bank, discipline, an a 155 IQ. I have none of that now. My brain is toast. I can barely remember anything anymore. I want to die. I want to die like I a normal person wants to take their next breath. I can’t abandon my children to this monster mother of theirs. I can’t wait for my kids to be grown (only thirteen more years!) and I can finally end it.
8 comments
13 years is a long time. More than half my age. I am 23. Almost half your age…. You put the ***** on a pedastil, as said in 40 yr old virgin.
No. I made a promise that she would not have to go back home. And then we had kids. I did not want to lose them. In my backwards state (Georgia) I would.
I fulfilled my damn promise. Took me twelve years. She’s now a citizen as of this year.
Don’t you have siblings or parents that could take care of your children just in case? 13 years is a very long time to endure.
No and no.
From what you have said, you seem like you’re a generous and thoughtful guy who is totally unappreciated by the person who should value you most (your wife).
My heart goes out to you and without going into detail, from experience I warn you that suicide is NOT the way out. Suicide will lock you into an eternity of the most miserable parts of your life now – there won’t be another escape either…
I did it. I pilled myself. I almost embraced death, it’s not funny, it’s bloody TERRORFING. It’s not a game – life is more than the present now.
So how did I get back? I literally begged to Jesus to save me, give me a second chance, I’m so sorry. I’m wrong. I believe you. It’s real. God is real. Heaven/Hell are real. If you kill (pill) youself then you are ulimately choosing eternity in Hell. I can’t prove to you what I went through…but I know that you need to be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ. He LOVES YOU and is waiting for you. Ask Him yourself if you don’t believe me…
I’m sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you have incredible strength if you can make it 13 years… that’s worth something.
Not really. I’m feeling better now but when I wrote this I was on the edge of the cliff with only my fingernails holding on. I’m to the point where all it takes for me to go completely insane is a piece of molten plastic in my stewpot. Two years ago I would have just laughed and called for pizza. Or more likely my fingers wouldn’t have dropped the damn thing in the pot. I can’t even freaking eat pizza anymore without pain and inflammation across my whole body. Maybe it wouldn’t matter, getting upset gets me inflamed too, and I’m already bad enough that I can’t move easily without my cane this evening.
Oh well. Off to bed to stare at the ceiling again. Thanks for the kind words everybody.
wow, that just sucks… can you at least get a prescription for medicinal weed for the pain? Wouldn’t trust any pharmaceuticals at this point!
I hope there is something nice on the ceiling.