I’ve made too many mistakes in life and struggle to get thru each day. I believe God’s promise to forgive me, but do not feel forgiven and am still facing a dreadful future.  Racing thoughts of self-hate, guilt, shame, and worry constantly overtake my mind.  It’s a daily torment that will not end and the force is so strong that it must be silenced with a bullet!
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Once you die you can’t come back…..As soon as your soul leaves your body it will no longer be sick, you will be healed. You might regret your decision when your guide shows you all that is, was, and could have been. You Can’t come back no matter how bad you might want to. In 1-5 earth years you will reincarnate in another life. You have to be a baby again, Ugh! I would not want to start over. You are right Suicide=Silence Forever. My son was alot like what you describe, he refused treatment He died 12/18/2010, It is such a great loss. You have a place as did my son, you don’t need to create Silence. Please get Help….what you talk about is manageable with medical help. Love to you in honor of my precious Son Daniel.
I refuse anything that will keep me around longer.