Broken

Dear Broken ,

I can relate. I was raised in an abusive household when my mother remarried when I was 4 . Abusive in all ways of course and not just myself .

In my early adulthood I lived with that anger unresolved and in turn abused myself in a way until eventually working through it. It never goes away mind you , but it gets easier to deal with.

finally when I thought I had moved on , turned my life around , gaining those goals I thought impossible ( just shy of my second degree ) I was found to have a brain aneurysm located on the brain stem and starting symptoms of compression. They couldn’t remove it or clip it , but did slow blood down through it which resulted in a stroke.

Still I thought I’d get better. Had hope.

Then was dx with heart failure and a lung disease called pulmonary hypertension . Both of which since then have progressed.

I too have no one. no support and no where to turn. no funds as well ! looking at the real possibility of homelessness in the next few weeks.

and even as I’m stuck in my miserable self there is still some hope of a miracle.

foolish ? I wonder.

I think of the line from The Shawshank Redemption ” You either get busy living or you get busy dying”

or ” afraid of living and afraid of dying ” …