November 24th, 2011 by bah

I know life isn’t always fair, but shit, I just wanted a decent life and a decent chance of making it.  All I wanted was happiness, love and a reason for my existence.  But apparently that’s too much to ask for.

It’s just seems unfair to be born as me.  There’s so many people who’ve had a great life, lots of family, love and opportunities.  Why couldn’t I have been one of them? Why was I screwed with a shitty abusive childhood that’s scarred me for life?  I’ve managed it all the best I could, but I’m now broken and a mess.  It’s been too many years that I’ve been an utter mess, barely functional.

Can we ever get over the abusive and trauma?  I’m 31.  When the f*** is my life ever going to be good??

I have nobody.  No support, no love, no one caring about my existence.  I hate being in limbo, unable to get my life nor my sanity together, but also unable to kill myself either.

And the holidays suck.  Seeing all those damn happy people out and celebrating, laughing with their loved ones, just makes me feel more angry.

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