As of late, I’ve been seriously weighing the options of committing suicide. Not just because of my loss, but just general unhappiness. I haven’t been happy since- well I can’t remember when. I’m not even sure if I would know what happiness is, even if it slapped me in the face. Faking a smile is getting to tiresome, my cheeks are sore. I just don’t want to have to deal with it any more. Finding reasons why suicide isn’t the best option is getting more and more difficult with each passing day, I’ve been contemplating for about 4 years? Roughly 1500 days. Enough is enough? I don’t know, I’m procrastinating a little bit, some days are harder than others.
Scissorhands
6 comments
Wow. Four years… I’m at one and I already fell like it’s been fucking forever. Also don’t do it. I like your style. I agree with your opinions entirely. There should be a different way to go about it other than suicide like an extra life to start from scratch. I’m sure you’ve always thought over this reason, but the only reason I haven’t killed myself already is that it would be such a waste of time. All the success in your life think about it. Your smart (based off of your poem) you have a good point of view (based on your belief of blame). Then you’ve got to think about all the time other people have to use on you being dead. (need to move your body to a funeral, your corpse needs to be made beautiful and all that which would sum up about 3 hours of work on thier part) then the Actual service takes about 30 mins asuming that 20 people visit (I’m positive there would be more for someone like you) so that’s 10 more hours of time wasted. And that is not counting all the driving that went into your family and friends from visiting. Then let’s think of all the schooling you went though you wasted your techers time. And your private music teachers (just a guess). So that’s 12+ years wasted on a perfectly good person. Your parrents, your first love, your jobs. All of it. A big waste of your and other peoples time. Including the time it took me to write this jumbled mess. All this inefficiency is making me upset.
I’m getting cremated. I’ve never written a poem here. I just close my eyes and type what’s on my mind (I literally type with my eyes shut, not my comments though) A day in this state is an eternity. Never had private music lessons, I learned all on my own.
Yeah sometimes its really difficult to find reasons why not to do it, can relate.
This song once helped me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNVCwdkEYH8
For a while I even think my smile was real. Now I’m like you
What do you play?
Guitar, bass, sing and scream.