tonight, i know it’s not going to do much, but i’ll start taking the pills again. 10 melatonin, 6 almost hurt me too much last time. it’s to kill the pain, to feel only numbness. i don’t know what’ll happen, i don’t know if i’ll chicken, but i’m sorry to anyone that’s ever been hurt, to those who failed, and to those who succeeded in doing the impossible. i hope that those lives that i touched are forever touched and will live a bit longer, if not for anyone or yourselves, for me. if i do make it to morning, i’ll let you know and beg for forgiveness, if not, i’m sorry.
i can’t take it any longer, i want to feel the numbness swim through my veins, consume me like a hellish fire. i know this isn’t a good thing, i know i attempted the impossible and failed, but i hope this time i will never be hurt again.
i’m sorry to my brother, mostly, because he was suppose to come in may for my early birthday present, he was suppose to help me get my dream car, that el camino, and he gave me a summer job six months in advance. he promised me that if i did do this, he would find some way to kick my ass, but i don’t know what’ll happen. Aaron, i’m really sorry, i truly am. i don’t mean to me a little snot, a little brat, or even seem selfish. every time i tell him wat i did, i kill him. i don’t want to kill him anymore, i don’t want him to hurt.
i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. im too confused, i’m too scared, too selfish. what do i do? what am i suppose to do?
52 comments
Don’t do it.
if i don’t what am i suppose to do??? life’s just a waste land for me, i can’t do anything right, i don’t even know myself.
if you die who will your brother have?
i don’t know….
alot of us don’t fully know ourselves yet it might take some time, im not sure what your options are but i think you should hold out
will it really help me right now to just wait? i planned to do it in 3 years, but i don’t want to wait, because it’s so hard to live with right now….i hate all the expectation from my family, how they knew i would just kill myself like my uncles when i was like 5. i don’t want to keep going on faith through the thick fog, because there’s no one that really helps me. wats there even worth living for??
do you have any animals?
three
i have 3 dogs and honestly i dont love anything or any1 as much as them i can look into their face and feel like everything is going to be ok thats who i live for and thats a big reason why i didnt kill myself
i know, i can’t hurt them, but i don’t want to feel this pain anymore, i dont want to hurt. i just want to be numb to the point i won’t feel the pain that cuts into me.
have you ever considerd smoking weed?
haha ain’t got no dealer, unless u wnt to send me some
i potentaly could…
Are you ok?
please dont do it.. talk to me 🙁
hey guys, i actually made it 🙂 surprised cuz i took a lot of pills. im sry if i scared most of you guys, i dont mean to.
@Heartless25: sounds great, might be the BEST way for me to cope
@undead is all i am: i am not ok, not even in the slightest bit
@Madelene: thanks for trying to help
thats how i do…
and i’m glad your alive:)
thanks:) nd it sounds like a good idea. might start trying it
i think you should… if i can where do you live?
yeah, u got e mail?
yea its gamerinsane45@yahoo.com
yeah, i live in colorado, in fruita
gamerinsane45@yahoo.com
no way!!! im in centennial,CO
really? that’s awesome!!!
hell yea!!!
i’ve never met anyone who live in the same state as me tht goes through this, it’s totally rad!
same…i think thats really awesome
u think u culd send me some sometime??
mayb…i have to work out a few details but ill try
thanks. even though i dnt kno u well, ur a great friend
thanx…i dont have very many friends so its nice to have somewhere i can go and be free
yeah…i kno the feeling, nd the small friends i do have kno noting bout me wanting to die nd all
have you thought about telling them whats going on with you?
i told them once nd they said they were going to drop me cuz i “go against their religion” so i haven’t said anything about it since
fuck religious people, it shouldn’t matter… saying that they want to drop you cause your suicidal should be against their religion which would make them hypocrites, if they were truly religious they would haved helped you… so to be honest i dont think their your friends if they really cared they would do something, just my thoughts.
i think ur right, i dnt even have much in common with them. thanks for your thoughts, they help 🙂
i’m glad i can help:)
ur a really great friend:)
thanks…it helps to here that…
good, cuz we have to stick together cuz the rest of the world doesn’t understand, which hurts.
it does and i hate it…i cant stand it the world sucks and i wish i could die but i cant…
i kno, i wish things were different too
thats why i cant die at least not now, cause i have 2 try 2 change the world
im glad uv got tht reason to keep going
i wish i didn’t…
y? ull be the 1 tht will save ppl nd keep them living, even if it’s for a short time, cuz they listened to u. look at me! u helped save me:)
i’m happy for that:) but idk i wish i could die i really don’t want to live but i know i’m going to die young anyway
i kno how u feel, everyday i wish it too
it just gets worse day by day the more i think about death the more at peace i am…
i kno how tht is. im sry tht its really hard on u