I’ve Noticed Something

  November 14th, 2011 by carotid

I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been purposely making people angry at me. I’ll tell them things that I shouldn’t or say things I know will upset them.

 

I didn’t know what I was doing this until I remembered that I did the same thing a few years ago, when I was about to attempt suicide. I pushed them all away so they wouldn’t care I was dead, and so that I wouldn’t feel any obligation toward them.

I don’t want to be kept alive because I “have friends to think about”. None of them are real friends anyway. They were just waiting for a reason to get mad and hate me. And now I’m giving them plenty.

 

I’m just getting ready.

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