Whoa, chrissie…
Now I think not giving a shit would possibly help, like adastra said I think in truth you do give a shit. Maybe too much? Who’s to say. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just turn caring off, coast through life with no cares. Well rarely possible I might say. A life without care isn’t much of a life anyhow… Also…What’s happened to cause this?
I can’t think of anything better than what adastra has already advised.
Yesterday when I wrote that..it really just made me feel better. I know that I care too much but ive realized that all the people you care about..use you. So, why should I care about anyone but myself? I lived by myself..I’m perfectly fine. I wouldn’t say I couldn’t have done it without my parents which is the only people that have been there for me. When I try to be happy with someone else..I just get used, abused & thrown out. All I asked for is a little help since I have 3 kids..I didn’t plan any of them. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them. Its amazing that no matter where your at in life…YOU are always wrong. I care so much, that I watch the people I care for..use me. Give it all to someone..they take it and give it to someone else. A drug addict, a whore, a predator…etc. They live off the love we give to one person..they steal, cheat & maybe I did feel sorry for people that had a rough life and I did allow myself to be abused but how can you help someone that only hurts you over and over? Ive helped so many people that did a horrible crime and I didn’t have no reason to. Then I help the person that I fell madly in love with, married him twice and he’s treated me worse than anyone on this earth. I will never be able to trust again. So, I say don’t give a shit! I would rather be homeless than be with a abusive man. I would rather help a murderer than have the ones you love rip your heart out.
I guess you do need to display a little judgement… when it comes to men, I have a policy… everyone deserves a second chance but no one deserves a third. I think it’s irrational to stop caring about people because a few take advantage… that’s judging a whole race based on the actions of a few. but you do need to filter a little, and only let yourself care for people who display good intentions. There is a delicate balance between caring for others and protecting yourself, takes a little practice but you can find it, and then that’s the example you can pass on to your kids, so they can learn from your mistakes.
So Sorry Chrissie,
What has happened? I hate to throw your own words back in your face but….
“HI don’t tell God how big your problems are….tell your problems how big God is.”…or something like that….so what has changed in the last couple of weeks….if your life is anything like mine….probably a lot….I have sooo much I want to ask you and tell you ….but you keep disappearing on me somehow….lol…warning….I have your e-mail and will use it if I must….bwahahaha
I have asked you to share the things that scare you and you are afraid to share with others for fear of harming them….I assure you that it is nothing I have not experienced or dealt with….yes dealt with….in my own life….my first husband studied the black arts just for a start. I have been cursed by people I don’t even know….and I must say one in particular bothered me until recently….but I have never been afraid….probably why I keep finding myself in a mess….lol….
We also have a similiar story in that you say that you wanted to die before birth…or rather that you felt like you were born to die? Myself I still have my mom and my grandmother still…so my childhood experiences can still be validated….and I have been assured that I was indeed born this way…miserable. Really wanted to get into that more as well.
I still have your e-mail….would you like me to use it?….hmmmm?….lol
Give yourself some slack girl…..you are only 34…..but if I didn’t recommend the services of a sexual abuse counsellor…..that is your only hope imo to get back on your path….and I suggest you do it….get back on your path….cuz I know your children are the world to you….and if I’m correct….they will need you more in the coming years.
Sadness……my 15 year old told me yesterday that she has had a plan for several years….wow….and that she herself is suicidal….man if you think your pain hurts….wait….ahhhhh….but luckily I am 50…and a fighter….I don’t give up….I don’t quit looking for answers….and now I just have more reason to continue. Jana and I have made a pact….and the lines of communication are open….we are talking and walking and healing….just now we are doing it together. I just wanted to let you know that if one of my kids had told me that when I was your age……would not have been good….I would have taken them out with me perhaps….but I thank God everyday for giving me this chance….another chance….and another…..cuz I am quite old and slow and set in my ways….not….but I am prepared for the inevitable ups and downs in my life like never before…..I am up to the task of saving myself so I can save my children….how about you?
Chrissie….there is nothing you have done or had done to you….that can control your life today unless you let it….and I know how easy it is to give up when your dead dog ass-dragging worn out tired…..ayup…..but please don’t give up on yourself or your kids…..where there is a WILL….there IS a WAY!…..i promise.
@one day…I don’t ever think I had a choice with men. It was more about what can I do to survive. Like I said..its easier to be alone but when you have kids, your options are harder. You work hard all your life..trying to survive and you wake up and find a whole lot of people gone from this world. Some being close family and friends. You start thinking what did I do wrong? You know you’ve done nothing wrong but you wished you had more time with them. It can be twenty years of not talking to that close person in your past..only to still care for them like it was just yesterday. Knowing you’ll always love them and wanting nothing more than them being happy. All the while, you sit alone with noone to say they care, they love you or that they miss you. Ive lived most of my life just being used..looked at as if I’m just crazy. I cant do this by myself. @amakua..all you’ve said is very true..it made me cry honestly. Ive seen many counselors. I even had lunch with the main guy who is in charge of psychiatric help in our state. I know I’m being watched, I know people are trying to help. I know there isn’t a lot that people can say or do because what I wanted in life has already passed me by. I cant go back and I cant move forward..I’m in a stuck place. If I left, id hurt a lot of people. If I stay, I hurt a lot of people. So ive stayed quiet for a long time..ive tried working hard..its not good enough. Ive tried being with someone..its not good enough. I’m wrong no matter what. My heart knows ive done nothing wrong..but its been stabbed so much I cant breath. I thank you for caring. I realize that the will has been a painful path and the only way is through Christ who strengthens me. Ive pretended to be happy all my life and I’m tired of pretending. I still haven’t got any meds. I have good days..its only when Im busy. Time goes by really fast that way. That’s why I’m not on here much anymore. Its good to let it go but sad to continue seeing all the pain. You can write me through email if you like but this site doesn’t bother me or anything. I don’t care who knows what ive been through. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much..I don’t want to bother you with anything. Again, thank you.
10 comments
And opiates.
You’re saying that, but in truth you do give a damn, probably too much, otherwise you wouldnt let life affect you so much as it has.
Pave a way forward, and bring the positive people in your life with you. The negative, wave goodbye, as you leave hem behind.
One positive person is better then one positive and one negative is it not?
Stay well ..
Yeah. Let it out!
Bad protoryu.
Slipknot’s song “People = Shit†comes to mind. Great tune.
Whoa, chrissie…
Now I think not giving a shit would possibly help, like adastra said I think in truth you do give a shit. Maybe too much? Who’s to say. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just turn caring off, coast through life with no cares. Well rarely possible I might say. A life without care isn’t much of a life anyhow… Also…What’s happened to cause this?
I can’t think of anything better than what adastra has already advised.
Also agree with one_day though, LET IT OUT!
@Pro: you and your opiates…
Yesterday when I wrote that..it really just made me feel better. I know that I care too much but ive realized that all the people you care about..use you. So, why should I care about anyone but myself? I lived by myself..I’m perfectly fine. I wouldn’t say I couldn’t have done it without my parents which is the only people that have been there for me. When I try to be happy with someone else..I just get used, abused & thrown out. All I asked for is a little help since I have 3 kids..I didn’t plan any of them. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them. Its amazing that no matter where your at in life…YOU are always wrong. I care so much, that I watch the people I care for..use me. Give it all to someone..they take it and give it to someone else. A drug addict, a whore, a predator…etc. They live off the love we give to one person..they steal, cheat & maybe I did feel sorry for people that had a rough life and I did allow myself to be abused but how can you help someone that only hurts you over and over? Ive helped so many people that did a horrible crime and I didn’t have no reason to. Then I help the person that I fell madly in love with, married him twice and he’s treated me worse than anyone on this earth. I will never be able to trust again. So, I say don’t give a shit! I would rather be homeless than be with a abusive man. I would rather help a murderer than have the ones you love rip your heart out.
I guess you do need to display a little judgement… when it comes to men, I have a policy… everyone deserves a second chance but no one deserves a third. I think it’s irrational to stop caring about people because a few take advantage… that’s judging a whole race based on the actions of a few. but you do need to filter a little, and only let yourself care for people who display good intentions. There is a delicate balance between caring for others and protecting yourself, takes a little practice but you can find it, and then that’s the example you can pass on to your kids, so they can learn from your mistakes.
So Sorry Chrissie,
What has happened? I hate to throw your own words back in your face but….
“HI don’t tell God how big your problems are….tell your problems how big God is.”…or something like that….so what has changed in the last couple of weeks….if your life is anything like mine….probably a lot….I have sooo much I want to ask you and tell you ….but you keep disappearing on me somehow….lol…warning….I have your e-mail and will use it if I must….bwahahaha
I have asked you to share the things that scare you and you are afraid to share with others for fear of harming them….I assure you that it is nothing I have not experienced or dealt with….yes dealt with….in my own life….my first husband studied the black arts just for a start. I have been cursed by people I don’t even know….and I must say one in particular bothered me until recently….but I have never been afraid….probably why I keep finding myself in a mess….lol….
We also have a similiar story in that you say that you wanted to die before birth…or rather that you felt like you were born to die? Myself I still have my mom and my grandmother still…so my childhood experiences can still be validated….and I have been assured that I was indeed born this way…miserable. Really wanted to get into that more as well.
I still have your e-mail….would you like me to use it?….hmmmm?….lol
Give yourself some slack girl…..you are only 34…..but if I didn’t recommend the services of a sexual abuse counsellor…..that is your only hope imo to get back on your path….and I suggest you do it….get back on your path….cuz I know your children are the world to you….and if I’m correct….they will need you more in the coming years.
Sadness……my 15 year old told me yesterday that she has had a plan for several years….wow….and that she herself is suicidal….man if you think your pain hurts….wait….ahhhhh….but luckily I am 50…and a fighter….I don’t give up….I don’t quit looking for answers….and now I just have more reason to continue. Jana and I have made a pact….and the lines of communication are open….we are talking and walking and healing….just now we are doing it together. I just wanted to let you know that if one of my kids had told me that when I was your age……would not have been good….I would have taken them out with me perhaps….but I thank God everyday for giving me this chance….another chance….and another…..cuz I am quite old and slow and set in my ways….not….but I am prepared for the inevitable ups and downs in my life like never before…..I am up to the task of saving myself so I can save my children….how about you?
Chrissie….there is nothing you have done or had done to you….that can control your life today unless you let it….and I know how easy it is to give up when your dead dog ass-dragging worn out tired…..ayup…..but please don’t give up on yourself or your kids…..where there is a WILL….there IS a WAY!…..i promise.
Blessed Be
Amakua
@one day…I don’t ever think I had a choice with men. It was more about what can I do to survive. Like I said..its easier to be alone but when you have kids, your options are harder. You work hard all your life..trying to survive and you wake up and find a whole lot of people gone from this world. Some being close family and friends. You start thinking what did I do wrong? You know you’ve done nothing wrong but you wished you had more time with them. It can be twenty years of not talking to that close person in your past..only to still care for them like it was just yesterday. Knowing you’ll always love them and wanting nothing more than them being happy. All the while, you sit alone with noone to say they care, they love you or that they miss you. Ive lived most of my life just being used..looked at as if I’m just crazy. I cant do this by myself. @amakua..all you’ve said is very true..it made me cry honestly. Ive seen many counselors. I even had lunch with the main guy who is in charge of psychiatric help in our state. I know I’m being watched, I know people are trying to help. I know there isn’t a lot that people can say or do because what I wanted in life has already passed me by. I cant go back and I cant move forward..I’m in a stuck place. If I left, id hurt a lot of people. If I stay, I hurt a lot of people. So ive stayed quiet for a long time..ive tried working hard..its not good enough. Ive tried being with someone..its not good enough. I’m wrong no matter what. My heart knows ive done nothing wrong..but its been stabbed so much I cant breath. I thank you for caring. I realize that the will has been a painful path and the only way is through Christ who strengthens me. Ive pretended to be happy all my life and I’m tired of pretending. I still haven’t got any meds. I have good days..its only when Im busy. Time goes by really fast that way. That’s why I’m not on here much anymore. Its good to let it go but sad to continue seeing all the pain. You can write me through email if you like but this site doesn’t bother me or anything. I don’t care who knows what ive been through. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much..I don’t want to bother you with anything. Again, thank you.
I’m qoionq on a commentinq rampaqe haha.