please understand

this is my first time writing a post. I’m not sure how to do this exactly but here it goes. i feel as if no one understands the extent of my sadness. i grew up with an abusive and drug addicted mother. i always had marks so as a result of that i never went to school until i moved in with my sister and her husband last year. now i go to school every day and am at the top of my class. at school i made some ”friends” but when ever i try to tell them how i feel they just talk about themselves. i hate it. their all so fake. i feel as if ill never make anything out of myself no matter what i do. i feel that I’m mean, selfish, ugly, and not significant in the slightest way. I’m sorry if this is hard to understand I’m in a really bad place right now.