tired………

im tired of all this shit 🙁 i want it all just to go away…………..i dont really care how…..but it would kinda be nice if it was now…………i look back at the notes i wrote on my phone and i think to myself……………why dont you just put your missery out now……is it really worth going threw all this pain and suffer…..will things actually really get better at the end of this mest up world be calll life…….i do believe there’s a heaven and i do believe there is a hell but i feel like the one below is kinda pulling me down while God is trying to pick me back up……….am i suppose to feel happy am i suppose to be happy with this pain and suffer……i honestly dont know how im suppose to feel right now…..i kinda just wanna end it right here right now….i look at the scars on my wrist and think this wasnt me before…so why is it me now
?? then i remember it was because of that one person putting to much fucking presure on me that i couldnt just be myself no im not gonna blame everything on her but she is kinda the reason im where i am today…..yeah i stopped for about 6 months but it seems like its haunting me and its repeating itself by me having the feeling to cut and stuff , yeah i know it wont make anything better but , i dont know why i do it……….do i want to stop?? yeah , have i tried to stop?? of course but , its not working…..am i suppose to be this person cause if im not then please just take the wrong person i am away and bring me back the person that yeah has problems but not to where i feel / do the shit that i do………………………..i guess in the end im just tired of all the nonsense i get myself into even when i dont mean to put myself in that possition it just happens,,,,,,,,,,,,,,srry if it doesnt make any sense i skipped around