Yea I’m sure there will be few to shred some tears over me but I am such a disapointment I actually would be doing them a favor..see I on other people because I’m such a fuck up I always ruin everything and I can see the look on peoples faces..they wish they could get rid of me..I see I’m nothing but a burden. Wat hurts the most is I have a child. A beautiful 3 years old princess. But I can’t afford tip take care of her I know in the future she will be so hurt and you probably say how can you do that to her but maybe I can do worse to her by being here. I can hurt her by not being able to provide not being able to take the bus and visit her. Her knowing that her mother is out there somewhere while shes home with daddy might be worse than knowing I’m dead. Maybe I can make it look like an accident just not to hurt her but people know me well. Even people on the train
stop and talk to me and say theres pain written all over your face.
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give her up for adoption. she will be in a good home. run away. go find yourself.
I already have get up she with her father and I’m sure he doesn’t say anything nice about me to her she probably thinks I don’t love her and that kills me. Finding myself is the hardest thing
Looking for help in other ppl won’t happen..I mentioned I can see them wanting to get rid of me wishing I had a life. Ive also burnt alot of bridges.. I have some anger issues. I get kicked out every place I stay at. The only one I have is my bf he says he loves me so much and I believe it he has proved himself bit if I can’t even live for my child.. Why him. I spoke tp him one time about suicide.told him we can both go somewhere we won’t suffer anymore..we are both homeless together. He looked at me like I was stupid so I won’t bring it up anymore…I wonder wat he will do and I feel bad but I honestly don’t feel strong at all. I used to.. I used o say I am so strong because the things I have seen and ben through.. Pretty bad situations that I think others won’t be able to handle but ive reached a point that instead of feeling stronger every day I feel weaker and weaker and just not emotionally equipped for my future. so afraid of wat is to come.
My mother tried to commit suicide when I was 8. Nothing she has ever done hurts me more. Even all the drinking, the nights when she wouldn’t come home, or when she wouldn’t buy food for a week at a time. When I grew up I was able to forgive her for those things and I love her. But nothing shook me more than knowing that she had tried to kill herself. No one wants to get rid of you. Your daughter will not benefit from you hurting yourself. You have to fight these feelings. The past is the past and there is no changing it. The only thing you can change is the future, your future. By reaching out right now you have already begun to change your future. This is what trying looks like and hurts and it’s hard. You can do it though. Good luck, your stronger than you think.
Hi Lilielies,
Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and does things they later regret. While we can’t change the past, we can learn from our experiences and try not to repeat them.
You do not specify your exact situation so it’s hard to offer specific advise, but I do think you should ask for help and support from family, friends or professionals local to you.
Sometimes we get trapped in our own little bubble and we can’t see a way out – just speaking to other people can give us a fresh perspective and make us realise that things aren’t as impossible to fix as we had thought.
You have a beautiful daughter to think of, so it’s essential that you get whatever help you need – for her sake.