I don’t know whats been going on lately. I’ve been feeling worse and worse. And it just feels like I’ve been cutting off everyone from my life even more, which I didn’t think was possible Not that I was a social butterfly to begin with, I have never invited someone over to the house and I detest parties so I don’t go to them. But lately its just been worse. I haven’t texted anyone in the last two weeks, haven’t seen or talked to anyone I call a friend in three weeks. I probably wouldn’t have said a single word if I didn’t speak to people at work. My phone’s inbox slowly fills up with messages I don’t answer because I don’t want to talk to them. I’m invited to events all the time I glance at and say, “That’s not going to happen.” My best friend called twice to say she was home for the weekend from her college and I didn’t even get out of bed to answer them. I hardly see her at all, and I ignored the calls. I just listened to the voicemail, sighed and dropped the phone.
I don’t know what is wrong. I’ve just been so unhappy around people. I’ve been speaking less and less, keeping almost all my thoughts to myself. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to talk to people, let them listen to my life and how boring it is, listen to their problems and feign some emotion I don’t really feel for them. Listen to them tell me that I need to get out of the house when they ask what I’ve been up to and I tell them sleeping and working and schooling. I’m at my happiest when asleep. It is my favorite time of day. I wake up from a fourteen hour sleep and smile, a whole day spent doing nothing. I don’t feel like I’m sleeping my life away or missing out on anything. I’m happy. And everyone seems to think its a problem that I’m trying to overcome. I feign all my problems as just being tired. When I’m feeling antisocial and I withdraw, I just say I’m sleepy cause I only slept like four hours, even if I had ten. If I’ve been ignoring people, they chalk it up to me being grumpy from a lack of sleep. And then they tell me I should sleep more, so no one even knows exactly how much it is I sleep.
But I’ve been ignoring people and I feel bad about it. I don’t know why, I don’t like most people, including myself, so I should feel okay with avoiding the people I dislike. But I don’t feel okay. I’ve been withdrawn and grumpy and I keep thinking about dropping out of college, quitting my job, and moving to somewhere where I don’t know anyone and start work and school there no matter how many times I yell at myself for that being a stupid idea right now. I’m becoming a hermit. And it makes me feel sad, but I don’t stop doing it.
4 comments
Talk to a therapist, explain yourself to them and they’ll help you a lot I’m 100% sure. I wouldn’t recommend dropping out of a college, that’s only asking for more problems. Make a plan to move if that’s what you want to do. Good Luck !
I ignore people too, making an excuse that I was sleeping or something. Really hard to get some peace and quiet when people keep bothering you every single day…!
I’m fresh out of advice since I’ve been looking out for myself nowadays.. Eh, I guess that is all I have to say.
I don’t think I can talk to a therapist. I can’t talk about my problems like that. Its like my brain panics that someone will actually know what is going on and reaches down to hold my tongue back. Its so hard to talk about things that actually matter, I have to build myself up and practice saying it in my head a thousand times before it is ever vocalized.
And moving away is just not a good idea. I only want to do it to avoid people more, plus I have a good job, just under mediocre grades and people that actually give a shit about me. It’s just be a waste of money and an excuse to be alone.
Yea I actually reroute my questions too when I finally get around to talking to a therapist.. I live in a small city and there’s absolutely no social life here. Not too hard to be alone and sleep all day