No one listens to anyone anymore, sure they hear so that they are able to grasp a rough idea of what goes on in their environment but no one actually takes the time to truly listen. To do more than observe a situation but to try to grasp how it must be to be within that environment and try to envisage the emotions that might be evoked so as to truly understand the complexities of what goes on in the world. Nothing is just black or white, we are all contrasting shades of grey. That’s one of my biggest problems I guess, I feel as […]
Ever since my suicide attempt I have felt so demotivated about life. I live solely so that I don’t break my mother’s heart again because she would like me to choose life. But I’m so miserable being alive I sometimes find it selfish that she wants me alive despite the fact it is not my will. I feel like I’m in constant emotional pain and turmoil. I know life isn’t suppose to be always roses but I doubt it is suppose to feel like a horror of knives either. I’m not feeling motivated to work so I’m starting to do badly in school but I […]
I’ve been listening to a lot of “Doom Metal” lately. Bands like Bell Witch, Tyranny, My Shameful, Mournful Congregation, Shining, Who Dies In Siberian Slush, The Howling Void, and others, and I’ve come to find a kind of beauty in the darkness of it all. The deep gutturals, the heavy bass riffs, the long drawn-out notes, and slow drums tap into the sadness within me. I’ve been feeling connected to the sorrow and have grown to enjoy this pain in a way I never thought I would. It’s having some kind of sick paradoxical effect where I want to drown and let the despair consume […]
Hi. I’m back. The day was the same like any other day. I feel hopeless and I still made bad decisions. I made everyone around me mad. haha. I never change, do I. I always make things worse. I want to die. Last night I confessed to a friend about what’s happening to me. Know what he said? he said everyone experienced what I’ve been experiencing now. He said I shouldn’t let everything affect me. That I should just be positive cause I’m not the only one who’s suffering in this world. I shouldn’t be selfish he said. haha. They are all the same. Always […]
Just looking for some place to vent. If you’re reading this, I’m already a happier sad person and humbled by your sympathetic presence.
In my own case, thinking about death has more to do with very specific problems i have. With my health, to be exact. Still, feeling the blues takes you to the place where you cannot ignore your very human attempts to put everything into perspective, and to look for any meaning in seemingly unrelated circumstances in your life. And that’s why me posting this doesn’t mean that I’ve completely lost it. I think.
So, the health related “problem’ I’m talking about today is […]
Firstly, I should sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. So, okay…
Why am I can’t be just happy? Why I have to bear all this pain, hiding deep inside in me? I only want to smile so heartily as I was smiling before but it seems to me that I need to wait a lot of time before I can say that I am really happy. I just hate to wear this mask, to behave like everything is okay, to lie to myself that this time will end soon.
I’m tired. I’m so tired of it…
It’s started in the beginning of August, and I […]
I keep bullshitting on the subject, but i think im finally going to go threw with it. After the bell rings to go to the next period, Ill step into the bathroom and take all the pills that I have with me at this moment. This will be my first ever attempt but I cant help but feel guilty about it. I have 3 friends that love and care about me, when theres something wrong with me, they automatically baby me up. I hate it so much because, it feels like a pit in my stomach that I shouldnt do it for their sake. […]
I am emotionally drained. All the skills have used to distract myself has lost its spark. I just can’t find anything that will cope with it except self-harm.
Boredom, sadness, pain.
I’ve never done it before, but I feel as though I don’t have a choice.
Every one around me seems to be dancing and having a good time and I’m here fumbling to the beat like a love struck zombie. I don’t know when this started becoming normal to me. When did I begin feeling so rejected? Was it when I was a teen and my mother just some how knew I’d be a loser? At least she gave me options to how low I could possibly go on that scale and I’m… proud… to say that I am NOT a heroin addict. IN YOUR FACE MOTHER!
Every time I’m outside, I look around and feel this overwhelming feeling that nothing […]
Everyone on this site I’m pretty sure can all agree that their emotions and personal experience cannot be an exact match to someone else’s. There are many similarities for instance with certain tragedies. Most other rape victims I’ve met have gone through somewhat similar raw emotions as I have. But each of us has our own refined version of it I think. At least that’s my opinion and lord knows I don’t have a degree in psychology, so take what you will from this.
In this post I’m going to describe the three major versions of … I guess you’d […]
“I’m suffering from a mental illness and I don’t know when and how I got this but I can tell you what it feels like having this monster inside me. If ever a normal person would have a chance to feel and experienced what it’s like to be someone like me, I think they’ll go insane. I wish I was born normal like anybody else but unfortunately, I’m not. Everything I see and feel is different from a normal person. The shadows of nightfall seemed more somber and my mornings were less buoyant. I always feel like I can’t do anything right and I feel […]
I’m not quite sure if becoming a user of this forum is a means of an end or a coping method. At this point, it really couldn’t matter less.
One day, perhaps, I will fully disclose the ‘origin story’ (this phrase is funny to me, as if comparing the origins of my condition to the origins of a superhero’s powers); the entire tale of my descent into severe depression, my incessant and quite honestly obsessive thoughts of suicide that had lasted every day for a year, and my journey through psychiatric hospitalization. At one point, I had felt that these points in my life were important and […]
Goner is an incredibly powerful song by my favorite band, Twenty Øne Piløts (it took me a while to figure out what my favorite band is since i love so many, but i realized i clung to them the most – their lyrics, the amount of emotion that is embodied in every track). I love it so much. It makes me want to scream and cry and laugh and smile.
Good music provokes emotion. And that is what Goner does to me. It makes me feel everything.
Goner is the last track on their latest album, Blurryface. I suggest taking a look […]
So I spent over $500 on my boyfriend for Christmas.
I get in these moods (that sometimes last a few days at a time) where I can’t feel a desire for anything, and it makes him feel like I don’t love him. But I can’t really feel love for him or anything at that time. I don’t know why. Afterwards I can tell I’ve done damage, but he still tries to act like me treating him like shit doesn’t affect him. We both know he deserves better and should feel loved constantly. I admire him for sticking around, though. I decided to kind of “go all out” […]
I’m brand new to this site, but I figured someone would be able to give me some advice. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and hopeless to this depression, this feeling. I’ve had depression for years, it feels like most of my life. It gets better, it gets worse. But recently my grandfather passed away, and I’m not coping well with it. It’s been hard to sleep or interact. I’ve been irritable and volatile, and I feel like a lot of the people in my life are getting sick of my mood swings. I don’t feel like I have anyone, but even […]
I feel like I don’t really feel anything anymore .
i used to be sad a lot and cry but now I feel nothing .
i don’t really feel excitement, happiness, sadness.
i kind of do not care anymore .
I feel worthless and pointless.
This is the first time I’ve done anything like this but I’m going to tell my story as best I can. I guess I’ll start by describing where I am now, physically and emotionally. I’m turned 21 this year and study engineering, of which I have completed 3 of the 8 semesters. Based on my academic record I’m a good student (or so they say) but the political situation in my country makes it difficult to acquire scholarships for one of my ethnicity (not that I need it as my family is quite well to do). Haven’t had a relationship in one year+, don’t have […]
My hair started falling out. I almost have a bald spot. I have anemia, vitamin deficiencies. I wish the supplements I take are real pills, that way I can just die without over thinking it. I hate my family so much;what an overrrated satement. I hear this so much, too much. They keep driving me to kill myself, day by day. I feel so alone, but I can’t/don’t want to reach out. I want suicide the easy way and I hate myself for that- man the fuck up.
They (the third party, your conscience, your therapist, your pamphlet, the suicide hotline)say that after suicide, the emotion […]
I feel like I don’t deserve everything that is given to me but I came to enjoy them. People’s kindness. I don’t quite understand it. I don’t want to accept it because I feel guilty. I know that I don’t deserve anything. I know I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’m capable of. There are a lot of unanswered ‘what-ifs’ and ‘ors’ I don’t know my own emotions. If I’m crying for them or for my sake. Am I truly happy or did I just encountered an amusing thing that will eventually leave. Am I unmotivated or am I just lazy. Am I depressed or […]
I’m gonna level with you, all of you strangers. I don’t know you but, the suicide project is our connecting element.
I want to kill myself, if only I could shut off my brain long enough to do it. I feel most comfortable when seeing my own blood seep out of my skin after cutting, or the pale sting after branding my skin. -not normal, I know- but my dad died about a decade ago and I feel the loss of him most keenly. the marks show me how long.. maybe in a few shots I’ll forget my pain. the scars from my before mentioned pain […]