Well my name is travis i grew up in this little ass town where people was stuck up and rude and stuff. I know that since im older i realize how rude people are in this world that just because i was the fat gay kid in class didnt mean that i need to be picked on through school. I didnt know what i really wanted out of life i would sit in my room at night and just want to die and that was every night, not just once in a while but every night. I looked at people that felt like me like they were freaks and weirdos when i knew exactly how they felt inside. My mom passed away in july of 11 and everythign is just getting worse, i feel like i dont even want to try and make myself happy anymore cause there is no reason for me to. My mom isnt here to push me to do things that i would never be able to do on my own. I have tried killing myself over and over and over agian i sat in the bathroom at my old house for 2hours just digging into my arms with a knife it wasnt my wrist it was the back of my arm where the big vein is. Hopeing that i would dig deep enough and just feel the blood release from my body. But my roommate walked in on my me and made me stop then i was trying to drink all the liquor i could in one night jsut so that i would pass out and hopefully not wake up. But i didnt i winded up throwing it all up no matter how hard i tried to keep it down. Then i tried OverDosing on pain medications and that didnt work either my body had to much of an imune system to even feel the drugs. I just got to this state where i sat there i didnt do anything for 6hours i just sat there and hummed. I dont have friend i mean i do but they arent real friends when they tell me this shit that they will be there whenever i need them i go to talk to them and they are busy or they cant talk or dont asnwer or dont want to talk to me. So im by myself i want to just hide and never have to worry about eating sleeping or people. But on the other hand i just want someone that will be there to love me and show me that there can be someone that wants to care about me.
Comment if you like but you dont have to……
Love Travis
8 comments
I wish you didn’t have to struggle with that. I’m suicidal for no reason really, and that’s an odd situation. I just see my life dull as sht :0
visit this site if you want to talk to more people about it!
http://www.suicideforum.com/index.php
Everyone wants someone to love. It will happen, give it a chance.
No it wont trust me im a guy that looks like a girl i am beautiful as a girl but i dont want to be a full girl ok i have given to many chances to let anyone else try im done. Im not afraid to try again cause i damn sure will
A guy that looks like a girl? Sounds dreamy..
We once put a wig and makeup on an ex bf of mine and he was beautiful… I think if you’re beautiful as a girl, you’re prob beatiful as a guy as well.
Losing someone who is close to you is one of the hardest things in life. It’s hard to over come and it’s even harder to find the goodness in life after you’ve gone through an experience like that. Your sexual orientation shouldn’t mean a damn thing to people, and honestly, as professional as I try to be, that’s one subject that just rubs me the wrong way. I have so many friends that are gay, lesbian, and trans-gender, I love them all so much. They’re truly remarkable and amazing individuals, and it absolutely bothers me seeing how much garbage they have to go through on a daily basis. It’s not right, and it needs to be fixed. Stand up for what you’re beliving in. I know it’s hard to walk into a classroom with a bunch of kids that you despise, and you know that they’re only making comments about you behind their backs, but you know what? As soon as you walk in with confidence (even if you’re not feeling it AT ALL) you’ll blow them away. Especially if you make it appear that their shit isn’t bothering you at all. It’ll throw them off their game. They’re nothing but bullies, and there’s no room in the world for people like that, at all, period. As for your friends, I think you have it right, they probably are just what you’d call a “convenience friend” someone who’s there when it’s convenient for them. And that’s not right either. As humans we need stability. that’s something that we long for; I’m here for you, unlike your “friends” who claim to be there for you whenever you need to talk. I’m just an email away, and I strongly encourage you to just vent to me whenever you need, sometimes it’s one of the best ways to feel better; writing down all your feelings and not having to worry about censoring at all, it feels pretty good at times. I’m very, truly, sorry to hear about your mom. That’s a very tough thing to deal with..I can tell you from experience, it helps with time, and keeping close connections with friends, or anyone in particular that will sit and talk…talk, talk, talk, and talk. it truly helps. shoot me an email whenever you have time, if you’d like to. Hope to hear from you. Take care. amanda_paris333@hotmail.com
ok, I’m more bothered about you just hurting yourself again. Please don’t hurt yourself because of how you feel. Suicide itself is another story. But what you’re doing is slitting your wrists for the pain. It sounds like you’re a survivor and you have something to live for. You don’t want to ask for professional help? There are experts out there. Me personally I know methods that really off you, but I’m holding on for the people I know, maybe there’s something here, though I love the concept of death, the inevitable, i just dunno.
Know what you’re saying. When i used to have friends they used to say if i need to talk to call them after my suicide attempt. They said i should leave a message. Well what was i to do?? Say that i want to kill myself so someone will pick up? Sometimes i just needed someone to chit chat with. I am actually not the type to talk about suicide outside of here. I am not going to call people and be unpleasant. It would be nice if someone just picked up if i called. Suicide is always on my mind but i am not going to call every1 and say that.