The more I know the less I know. I truly know nothing. Life is about living outside one’s self, the world is greater than your perception of it, I know this, believe it, feel it, yet I still feel numb. I feel guilty for what I have and resentful for what I don’t. I’m in constant contradiction. I just cannot fill the void that’s inside me. I know deep down I’m blessed, seeing others, knowing and feeling what others go through only makes me feel lesser than what I am. I’m stuck in thought and just fail to progress. This to shall pass, but is this the way it has to be? Is life really worth living? It’s just that maybe my purpose is just this and this alone. Am I resisting the inevitable? Resisting what is, is suffering, and suffering is all I have. My life is nothing but memories and prediction, past and future, thoughts in my mind that aren’t even real. What is real? I have no one who truly understands my being. I just cannot connect to anyone. The few people in my life are in complete ignorance. It’s as if I’m not of this world, just a part of it. It’s as if everyone’s in delusion, the delusion that everything is okay, that life is worth living, but to what end? Where does this motivation come from? All I’m capable of is to observe. Only to observe and reside in my despair. It’s impossible, simply and irrevocably impossible to just want to keep pushing on. We live in a world of duality, but in truth it’s really all two sides of the same coin. Subjective or objective, right or wrong, you cannot have one without the other. Everything just is. It just so happens that I fall on one polar end of the duality spectrum. Each and every moment is nothing but agony as despair, defeat and turmoil, and I just feel stuck. I feel tired. What little motivation I have is diminishing as each day passes. I’m at the point where I simply don’t care anymore. Enough is enough. Everything I do is “wrong” and nothing truly works out my way, yet in truth I don’t really care. I just don’t care anymore. It is what it is and I just want to let go. I just want to let go. I’m alone in this world and I just want to let go.