Well after years of social isolation suicidal depression and stress the chickens are finally coming home to roost. I no longer have the will to live and spend half the day in bed. I am on antipsychotic medication and am due a hospital assessment to determine whether I need hospitalizing. As a loser and social misfit I need a miracle to get out of this trap. Suicide is of course so final and hard to face but I feel is my only option as my life has become sheer agony. My only tears are for those I’ll leave behind. No one can help me, no […]
Tag:
Agony
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I love all kinds of music. However there’s few songs that grab hold and this is one. I could die listening to this. Â (Not that I am, just saying)
So what would your last song be?
I’m young. People don’t generally understand how a young person with so much life left ahead of them could be depressed. Some say it’s just puberty, some say it’s hormones. I know what both of those feel like, and they are nothing compared to the grasp depression can have on you. It takes hold of you, and no matter how hard you try to fight it so you can breathe again, it leaves you empty and without energy. I come from a good family. Parents are together, no one close to me has been taken away. And still… it is so hard to be happy. […]
Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
You’re sick of feeling numb
You’re not the only one
I’ll take you by the hand
And I’ll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn’t work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
so some guy  told me to put my story up here and wait for reactions on it before i do anything.
why not.
here’s my fucked story:
i am Jeroen Steeman. i am currently 17 years old, and i live in a small village in the netherlands. my life is garbage.
i used to have a happy life tough. lots of friends i hung out with. two awesome older brothers. a happy mom and dad. then my mother got multiple scerose (that’s the dutch name for it anyway) and lost her shit. all the joy that once exsisted in our family life just got destroyed. both my brothers moved […]
I don’t understand why I feel pain like this. It’s completely unbearable. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression. i’ve spent these last two years in therapy and searching everywhere for something to make me feel better. I’ve tried therapy, ten different anti-depression drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, acupressure.. the list goes on and on. on top that i’m victim to horrible anxiety attacks that can strike at any moment without warning, i usually get about two or three a day. they make me curl up into a ball and wait to die. my family has abandoned me because i cause everyone around me pain […]
I haven’t posted here in two years. Sadly, nothing much has changed since then. I still want to die. But even in this moment of pure agony, I want to extend my arms out to all of you and hug you tight. You all deserve love, empathy and trust.
A bell rings out.
A pitched sound that hits the eardrum
and cripples the heart.
A line of black parades the street.
The world’s colors fade away.
A black and white existence.
The vibrancy is ripped away.
And the thought that your life may never be the same
is a thought you never wanted to hit you.
But it does.
It hits you harder than anyone has ever realized.
And years have passed.
And you still cry at night
until the tears have numbed the pain in your chest
and you finally drift to sleep;
praying to whatever god there is
that you don’t wake up the next day.
Each morning
you wipe the dried tears from your face
and everyone around you
thinks you […]
They say that when jump off a building, before you touch the ground, your whole life flashes before you. Sometimes I want to try and do it. So that I may know if what they say is true. And if it’s true, I wanna know if the life I have been living is a good one.
I am facing a lot of problems lately. I am already at my 8th year in college and still have not graduated. I already have a son but I am not in good terms with his mother. I have a lot of debt; I just been kicked out of my […]
And I have no idea why I’m posting it here but, I am. I’m exhausted. The only true smile that has come to my face in the past few years was just before my attempt several weeks ago – the rest of the time it has been this forced curvature which, I must say, I’ve become quite the expert at creating. The sadness. The consistent failures. The burden I’ve been to so many for so long. Iit’s just so tiring.
For almost 30 days I’ve had no contact with anyone in my personal life save three individuals one being my “brother” who lives quite literally thousands […]
I don’t event know what to say anymore. I can’t post on my Facebook or twitter how I’m feeling and I definitely can’t talk to any of my friends or family members about my brilliant idea to end it all. Ironically, one of my jobs is suicide prevention- and here I am the preventer and I’m so far gone. I fight with myself constantly to STAY alive, because I have children, and I will miss them and I know at least three of the four I have will miss me- but today I just give up. The first thing people ask is do you have […]
Hello! I’m writing this in order to get some help, and be sure that i’ve made the right decision.
I wrote this to another person on another website:Â <<<Â I feel the same as you do/did “Every day I wake up feeling terrible! I don’t want to die,i just don’t want to live like this.” and i felt it since i was your age 17/18 and then i was dreaming about killing myself but i talked to others and i was to weak to take my own life so i said that i’ll wait, that things will get better, two years have passed and i had a big […]
just turned 19 ive already am off to a bad start lost my only friend and the weird part is I DONT EVEN CARE. i have no current desire to patch our friendship up. I guess its because then ill have one less thing to worry about, to act
happy with, to feel judged around and to avoid certain sensitive topics with like what ive been up to. which has been shit all. No job no school, few interesting feats and gossip. i am house bound ii am pathetic and lazy. i stay up all nite searching for the answers and […]
My mental state is pure agony and torture. Â I need to end this suffering. Â But I continue on in hopes somehow I’ll get better. Â Knowing full well it won’t. Â I’m living in denial because my survival instinct is so strong.
Every time I go to do this I just stop. Why can’t I do this? Â Why can’t I just form words? Why am I so afraid of the unknown? I hate it when people say that suicide is selfish. You know what’s selfish? Letting someone get so low that its the only option. People don’t understand suicidal people because it’s a torment so agonizing that they can’t possibly imagine going through that type of agony. They don’t understand what it’s like. I can’t do this anymore. Too damaged to live but to cowardly to die. Surrounded by perfect cookie cutter people whos biggest worry in […]
“Ooooh…”
So i was sitting outside a while ago, enjoying a smoke at dawn, during a rather precipitous rain storm…
A faded flash behind the veil, an echoed crack of thunder in the distance…
Crossed paths with some memories, thought about where i’d left some things…
There’s a certain person who is always close inside, no matter how far removed from my physical life, who i just can’t help but think of, when it rains.
Or when it’s just cloudy.
Or when it’s sunny.
Or when it’s just a normal windy day.
I recalled a recurring theme i used to employ, as part of my previously favorable attitude and outlook that this person […]
I’ve been so close lately. I think about it constantly but I would never do it. I just stare at the pill bottle and wonder how I don’t have the guts to do it. I just don’t understand anything anymore. I am so confused and I don’t think I am getting the help that I need in daily therapy. I go to a treatment program and now they want to send me to an eating disorder facility. I don’t know what I need anymore all I know is that I can’t keep going on like this in agony. But I do have something to look […]
it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for […]
Greetings all. Getting ready to do the deed and was hoping for some feedback on my, admittedly, unconventional final remarks. I wanted to try and keep things are lighthearted as possible given the subject matter and place the blame where it belongs–myself. Iwould appreciate any thoughts. It does need to be right the first time after all.
To whom it may concern;
I doubt that many people will read this and fewer still are likely to care. That said I felt I should say something before the big recycle so here it is. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I have decided to go the gun […]
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