Stupid me…I couldnt smuggle one of my necessary components into OZ(or I should say I didnt want to attempt it) and I came close…had so many oportunities…a 7th story balcony…the ocean,crocodile infested waterways,the dense rainforest….
All throughout my vacation,my boyfriend really hit home ow little I matter to him,lying about his vacation,rarely calling me,not planning on coming home for weeks so he can be with his mommy and daddy….the only thing he cares about is making sure he gets paid back his money that I corrowed from him.
Now,stupid me,I made it home…and Im in physical pain,suffering at the emptiness that i came home to.No one cares,no one to greet me,nothing but my bland existence to look forward to. Australia kept me going for so long,now its gone.
And money…always money….lots and lots of debt and bills,plus my work wants me to pay up $250 for medical insurance by Friday or they will cancel it or take it out of my next paycheck,thus leaving me with nothing.
I just cant take it anymore. Ive said it before,but this time its real. I dont know if I can suck up the courage to do anything tonight,but I just dont see myself lasting more than a week or two at this point. I cant take life anymore. I had my two weeks of semi-happiness(Australia is beautiful but still hard watching couples on romantic getaways and families on vacations,and knowing neither will ever be me). But even then,I didnt belong…backpackers snubbed me b/c I was a “snob” for staying in a hotel(albeit CHEAP),I didnt fit in with most hotel peeps with money,obviously didnt fit in with couples or families, and the few times I attempted to go to bars I stood out like an old sore thumb. I even failed at my intro scuba diving attempt,freaking out…although ironically,this would have been a great option to go LOL.
I think its just really time.