Gods sick joke

I remember the day I did it. I laughed and laughed and laughed until my laughter mixed with my tears and sobs. I sat in my bathroom floor while I laughed. No one was home.
I had tried to kill myself. taken pills. I was on pain meds and muscle relaxers (I have a bad back.). I had had an argument with my aunts and parents, I was feeling worthless, I’m always causing problems to them. I can never be that bundle of joy I was when I was younger. My mind is to messed up for that.
But I remember. I took one, then another, and another. Until I had taken all 32 muscle relaxers and 17 pain killers. I fell asleep. I remember when I woke up the next day. My body denied to move, my mind couldn’t control my body. Less my thoughts.
You failed, my mind mocked me. You didn’t die. You can’t even do that right. So I cried. I cried because I had failed, because I didn’t die. I was disappointed. I wanted to die.
It took me three days for my body to return to me, to get over the side affects…what hurt me even more was that no one noticed, no one noticed the difference. The missing pills, the extreme sluggishness I experienced.
No one cared.
So I cried, and I found out that it was Gods Sick Joke
That I didn’t die
that I can’t even do that right