I really dont.
I guess after everything is said and done all you can do is light up another joint, take another shot and hope today wont be as fucked up as yesterday.
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Sometimes words just do not suffice… It’ll come eventually.
While I’m sorry you have to deal with it all…
I do enjoy your idea. Another joint, another shot, and hope today won’t be as fucked up as yesterday.
Anything I can do – or just give you a lighter?
Lighter would be fine, get me some new weed while youre at it 😉
Ha. I don’t know if I have $20 laying around. But if I do, gotta share lol.
Always share haha, 😉
Awesome. What is there to drink eh?
wodka and orange juice. seemed appropiate for 11 am. want some?
Ah a nice screwdriver. Don’t see why not.
How are you expecting the day to go eh?
hmm. I wanted to go the gym this morning. But I guess today is not a good day.
Im gonna buy me some good weed again. no expectations really.
And you?
Hm, well the gym would get some restlessness and anger or whatever is building up inside out… I think( not much of a gym person, but that’s what I’m told some good ol’ exercise can do ). Mmm, not too bad. Well I guess with no expectations can’t be worse than you think it’ll be, only good.
Uh, class in the morning, some reading and cutting. Hopefully get to talk with a good friend.
Yeah but I already always feel like a gigantic whale compared to the other girls and uncomfortable anyway so today is not a good day to go.
Im pretty sure it wont be a good day. Need to buy a present for my brother and a friend would come join me, and she wants to go shopping and shit. I’m not in the mood.
Cutting sounds good. already crossed that off my to-do-list today haha. hopefully? its not sure if you can talk to him/her?
Meh, that’s no way to go about it. For one, you sure as heck aren’t a whale. If you want to work out and go to the gym, then go to the gym and work out. Don’t compare yourself to the crazy people there that were probably in there since 4 AM ( seriously…they’re crazy ).
I know what you mean about not being in the mood when shit needs to get done… Ugh. Well hey, it’s a present for your brother – so that’s a nice thing, he’ll enjoy that I’m sure. Not sure what to do to get out of that shopping, but who knows it could be at least semi-enjoyable.
Heh, got a lovely sleeve of ’em. Mmm, well I probably will – but hey I can’t see the future and I’m skeptical like that. Just in case.
You cant know that ;). Meh, ill go tomorrow. This morning id rather stay home and cut. only have one joint left so I’m still saving it. But I think it’s time to light it.
Yeah I’m never in the mood to get shit done.
Yeah I know, I should get him a nice present, his birthday was last saturday but I only made 100 euro the week before and that all went to weed. I actually forgot his birthday till the day before.
It wont be enjoyable. she wants to go try on everything, I will be following her like a dog, I dont want to look at anything because I know nothing will look good on me. And she will be saying she’s too fat (with her size xs) to wear the clothes she tried on which look god damn good on here. (it always goes like this) which will make me more depressed.
The problem is me though. I actually enjoy shopping most of the time. I love buying things. I buy way too much. I just hate it when people who are that small complain all the time about how fat they are but in the meanwhile can eat everything they want, dont have to work out and stay that thin, when I have to starve myself to death if I want to look pretty in my dresses and have to work out 3/4 times a week. I just complain waaaay too much. like now. haha.
Lovely. I can only cut up the sides of my arms unfortunately. I actually like the way it looks. I guess that makes me a sicko haha. I can stand in front of the mirror and look at my scars for hours.
Was there anything specific you want to talk to your friend about?
I don’t think a whale can be talking 😛 /mr.technical. Woo. Well I know that feeling too… Though I never have thought about it as around joints…?
Heh yeep. But sometimes after doing it, it’s nice or at least relieving.
Yep, weed makes money disappear quickly. Oh I know what you mean about forgetting birthdays I literally have NO ONES( and barely mine ) memorized. Something about them just are incredibly hard to remember…
Oh…jeez. That doesn’t sound all too pleasant, but I thought that was just because I was a guy. Good excuse to get out of it…? hmm
Ah, well I can see why that would get on your nerves… I’d say maybe speak to her about that..but not sure how’d that go over… Meh, yea not very fair is it? Hope you’re not actually starving yourself… bah, well hey working for it makes it all the better feeling? Heh, nah. It’s all good, I think complaining and get some stuff out – not bad a thing.
Oh? Well that’s mostly where my cuts are. Heh, nah not sicko.
Nope. Just talk, it’s nice.
haha well this one does.
I used to be pretty good in remembering birthdays and dates in general. I would always remember everything. But then, there was weed. haha.
Well fuck it, I dont want to be alone either. So I guess following a skinny person in a store is bettter than being home alone.
Starve myself every once and a while. used to be pretty good at it. it havent really been working the last time. and NO! it does not feel better working for it! I had to work for it my entire life since I used to be a very chubby kid. I think if I would be naturally skinny I wouldnt be so obsessed with food, and womens body’s. (yes I really am obsessed) natural skinny people have it easier haha.
hmm, well when you said sleeve I imagined your entire arm being cut up.
Hmm oke. Well I hope you get to talk to him/her. 🙂
Pshhh I think not.
Hah well you had an advantage over me then.
Aye, thats…sorta the spirit 😀
Bah, well I’m sorry you’ve had to resort to that… :/ Well I didn’t mean that it was easier or something like that. But a more “HA suckah, I worked my way to get here! It may not have been that easy but I’m a tough person and I got where I wanted to go”. Don’t be too hard on yourself though…
Well maybe I’m confued about what you mean the side is. I cut on the parts that don’t require an awkward hand & arm position to get enough umph into the cut. Side is easiest, top is easy, but other side and bottom are just meh and awkward, would rather just cut over or inbetween all those other cuts if there is space.
Thanks, and I hope you have a good day tomorrow too 🙂
When you say aye it reminds me of pirates haha.
haha yeah i know what you meant but I’d rather be in the opportunity to say “fuck you bitches I’m skinny and can eat whatever I want!”
I dont think im too hard on myself. I just give myself what I deserve.
I didnt mean to get you confused haha. I ment the sides of my upperarms. Used to cut basically anywhere (arms, chest, stomache) but because of this job, I cant.. So with the sides I mean literally the sides. That when you sit in front of me you couldnt really see it. You know what I mean? haha. And I usually cut over them and in between too. at one point your arm is full eh?
Well let me first get through this day haha (it has only just started) before I’ll even think about tomorrow. but thanks! I hope you have a good day tomorrow too:)
I derive it half from pirates – but generally the same concept lol.
Ha, while that is humorous I don’t think that would be as awesome as someone is putting hardwork and sweat and such into something than someone who does something off the bat. Work is admirable. Stuffing your face saying “HA BITCHESSS” – not so much. Well I think so, definitely don’t deserve starving yourself.
Ha, all good. Ahh now I understand. Well I guess that’s sort of good that work limits you. I don’t cut anywhere else besides arms. Well I suppose not full, but I don’t cut open scars nor already opened cuts… Idk, I like it to be more open where I cut till there is little space. I’m just weird I guess.
Oh yes, sorry well I tend not to think of today as the next day since I have yet to sleep lol. But hey, thanks 🙂
I dont want to be admirable though. So im keeping my foot down on this one.
Well if I starve myself, it is something i deserved. its another way of punishing myself I guess. Plus, it feels good to control something. Even though its just something as little and stupid as food.
I dont see it as a a good thing though. I loved cutting my stomache caus usually no one would ever notice. with cutting your arms, you have to be a little more carefull. Haha we all have are cutting rituals eh.
its all good haha. sleep tight!
Bah I’m too out of it to think of a good argument, but one does exist.
Why do you think you deserve that anyhow? Though I do understand what you mean about the control…
Meh may not seem like it right now, but maybe the people who say cutting is bad have a point – at least in the long run. Well I’m already white as can be and wear long sleeves, so it’s all good. Even the times they have accidentally shown on my wrists, no one notices or cares so, meh. Aye, our own rituals indeed.
Sleeppp? Psh. Yea don’t think I’ll sleep tonight, but thank you!
yeah one probably does exist. well because in my opinion im one of the worst human beings there are. most of the times i dont even consider myself a human being. just, a monster I guess.
Haha yeah sure they have a point. I would never advice someone to cut ever. But idk, since I do. I always kinda make jokes about it haha. haha yeah i usually wear long sleeves too. Well I have to say my scars have shown accidentally 2 times (that Inoticed myself) and both times a friend saw them. Not a big deal though. What are they going to say, that Im not allowed? lol. Sometimes I do wonde rhow many people notice the scars without saying anything.
Hope you still got some sleep!