slipping….

so years have passed since ive felt this bad…….every day i get more and more paranoid about some issue or about some person looking or thinking about me the wrong way. I become fixated and obsessed with one issue. I closed my eyes while I was driving today just to day dream what would happen if i just took a quick left or right turn….would people finally give me some attention or listen to what i have to say. I feel like im ignored in every part of my life….i was very young when i started cutting my arms and thighs and havent done it in so long but its just this strong urge to just plunge and release something from me anything. i come up with something wrong with my mind body or thoughts on a hourly basis its just getting worse…and i have no one to talk to. i wish my thoughts would just completely stop sometimes i blast music whenever i get a chance just to be a little distracted. I know i should be happy with my life its not so bad its just me that im unhappy with or the thought that ill be alone forever…the worst is when people play games with your head….i think or maybe its just my paranoia. my skin just feels likes its cringing all day to be released. i thought i was past this and i wouldnt be bothered by it again or i was just being young and craving attention but im a grown adult now and im having this feelings of just wanting to feel something strong to release all my anger, hurt, and paranoia.