God Please Take Me ! When is enough a enough ?

was diagnosed with fraying and tearing of Hip laberal early 2011 after suffering the pain for two years prior to that , when pain first started was under the care of tony Lambert out of dr wrights office for apox 8 mnth , kept telling him where the pain was at he told me i was to young for hip problems did a ex-ray on my back , where low and behold was nothing wrong with my back GEE ! He insisted  that I was depressed (of course i was also suffering from headaches *that I still get and crying due to the pain * Needless to say he put me on antidepressants insisted that was what caused the pain .With a benefit of the doubt I took them over a period of time tried 3 different types 30 days each terrible side effects to all and guess what , still pain in the hip ! with now side effects from the drugs he gave me . went to a phycatrisist he removed me from the last med the (good doc put me on ) for 8 mnth still a lot of pain in the hip i refused to seek further medical attention for the hip at that point was scared not to mention broke , I finally could not take the pain any longer and went to a different Doctor who listened to me and pointed me to the right direction to figure out what was wrong , OF course then i lost my job 6 mnths latter found a new job, during this whole time I was responing to pain meds where i could fake it too i made it well not any more even with different meds , so far i now have missed 3 weeks of work , dont quailfy for fmla or short term dis. cant clean my house , cook dinner , walk my dogs or focus the pain is terrible, and now all bills are behind my poor husband dosnt deserve this in life, If he was smart he would find some one better.witthout the baggage , which im sure he will , I wish god would just let me go to sleep and not wake up. atleast then I would be out of pain amd my husband could collect the insurace policy . If only suicide wasnt a SIN