I hate being alone. My so called best friend from school isn’t talking to me anymore. She walked past me with just giving me a smile. Usually she would say something and give me a hug. I know I’m not her bestfriend anymore now that she replaced me. It hurts to always worry if I’m going to have someone to eat with at lunch or even if I’m going to have a partner while doing partner work in class. I hate to be alone. I have my bestfriend that lives in Cali. I wish she could be here to keep me happy. Honestly, if she werent texting me, i’d be gone. I hate being bullied. I hate school. I hate myself. I need my razor. I want to go home and feel the cold razor. I hate being addicted to that. But it calms me down. I need that razor.
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My best friend left me too. I told her what happened and she went and told her college professor. After that everyone found out I was suicidal and cutting. BEcause of that I was locked up in the hospital. After that my best friend didn’t want to be friends anymore. She said very hurtful things to me and freaked out for no reason. It hurts everyday still and its been over a month since. I know how you feel. I wish I had my razor right now too, but it is locked up until I take showers (which is the only time I can cut). It sucks…really cause I need my razor soo much more than just shower time.
Yeah that’s what I’m scared of. People knowing that I’m suicidal. I know if an adult knows or even if my parents find out, I’d be in a hospital too. Only my best friend from calu knows but i try not to tell her alot. Its becoming harder to avoid the razor and its hard to hide it. Its extremely hot where i live and i have to cover up . I have scars on my arms that are very noticable. so I stopped cutting there and stuck to my legs. It sucks that we have to live on with this torture.
That’s a crisis i’m currently in… Everyone found out yesterday that i’m suicidal and there’s no stopping it now. I really didn’t want anyone to find out let alone the whole school. My parents don’t know anything and i’m scared of telling them; i’m scared of others telling them. I really didn’t want it to turn out like this but now I really don’t know what to do… hopefully they won’t send me anywhere :/
Just a side note: This all happened yesterday and i’m still very scared. I even cut after with a razor…
It is hard for us. I hate the fact that we have to go through this and everyone believes that it is no big deal when in actuallity it is a big deal. I have to say though that you find who your true friends are when you go through your hardest trial…which I pick this as mine. I decided in the beginning to cut on my stomach. I only cut my wrists when I was trying to commit suicide. And I would try not to tell everyone cause then people will think you are only doing it for attention, trust me…when everyone found out about me thats what they all thought.
Who knows, i’ve heard of some people feeling better after hospitalization. But im sure that people at school will start to notice about me too. Try not to worry. Stay strong. There probably is people at your school who are also suicidal and maybe they could give you support.
Yeah I’m sure if people saw my scars on my wrists they would judge even more. Some people just don’t understand that’s why we hide it. If I wanted attention, I’d be wearing short sleeves and shorts so they can see my cuts.
My school is very small and I can asure you that none of tehm are suicidal. Trust me. And i was hospitalized….it didn’t help. If anything it made it worse. I still have nightmares from thaat place.
And exactly! I didn’t do it on purpose. I did it to relieve myself of the pain
Well there is people who are experts at hiding what they actually feel. But if people get too mean, ask to go to a different school. Yeah, i also hate people who do it for attention and decide to call themselves emo. Ha. What is emo anyways? those Attention seekers?
I didn’t say that because I wanted attention from you guys………..
No no, Nobody I wasnt talking about you! I was talking about other people that i see purposefully expose their scars. I don’t do it for attention I do it for myself. And I can’t move schools, I already asked, my mom said no.
Noo not you nobody! Ah sorry for confusion… i was totally talking about others.
Rebel, I’m sorry about that. Why did she say no?
Cause I go to a homeschool christian school, she doesn’t want me to be influenced by public schools. Though what she doesn’t know is that I’m already smoking, doing drugs, and drinking. To take away the pain that is…and rebel. Um and i started cutting again. But she doesn’t know all that and she still wont let me.