I recognise that I’m in a much better place than I was when I was first diagnosed with depression, but even four years on and I’m still incessantly fucking up and that’s the only thing that people actually see. I just wish that I would start learning from my mistakes and that people would stop judging me based on my past. I’m still holding myself back and its irritating. No doctor can save me from this, from myself. It will always be something that I carry with me, I just hope that it won’t weigh on me so much for the rest of my life.
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I am judged based on my past, it is a heavy burden indeed. But it does not weigh me down at all. Because it doesn’t matter to me, the past is the past, and if someone thinks I am going to do things, or say things, or think things based on the past, I just smile. Because they don’t know the slightest bit, just because thats how things used to be doesn’t mean it is alwasy going to be the same.
People change, all the time, every day, every second. I hope you smile often, and think about what is going on in your life, and others. Take some time to realize some things. If you take time and observe everything, you will definintally learn from your mistakes.
I think I/we judge ourselves (well some of us) on our past more than others do becuse to us, we may think that everyone can see it written on our faces. Personally I’m almost too honest to a fault and I tell my past…because I live in it. Your past does make you who you are, right now anyway, but it doesnt make you who you can become.