All I want to hear from you is that I’m nothing to you. I want to hear you say that you don’t feel anything towards me, instead of being so damn afraid to talk about it. Just get it out there so that I can hate you instead of being so in love that it hurts all the time. Let me move on from you, that’s all I want.
And I want to tell you that you saved me, that you’re the only person who could’ve saved me, and that I would’ve been roadkill if you hadn’t forced me into your car. You don’t even know that you saved me.
I get it, okay? I get that I’m worthless to you. I get that the last thing on earth you want to do is have to talk to me for more than 5 minutes. I understand that I’m nothing. Can’t you just let me move on from you? I can’t keep existing as this leech. That’s what you make me feel like; the pathetic girl who’s getting nothing from you in return for her giving you everything she has. I hate that you saved me, I hate that you did something so significant in my life again that it feel like I owe you something.
You know I try so hard to survive this. If I give up, it’s like I’m letting the darkness win, it’s like I’m not even strong enough to light a fucking match. But the truth is, the more you do this to me, the more you reinforce to me that I am useless, I never meant anything to you, and I’ll never mean anything to you. It makes it very hard for me to beat my own demons when you’re feeding them exactly what they need to get stronger.
2 comments
Ghost, I know exactly how you feel. I feel exactly the same way, but she has a boyfriend in my case, so I even get mixed messages, if you want to talk with someone I am here, I didn’t feel happiness for more than a year until 9 days ago when I finished helping her with a project she asked for help on, and now I hate myself even more because she is happy the way things are, you are not the only one in this position, I feel like everytime I talk to her no matter how many times she says I am not a burden and causing trouble that I actually am, and it sucks, a lot. I would love to be able to talk with you if you so choose. about anything.
I think I would like that.