The ‘Beginning’ of the ‘End’

I suppose it all started a bit early into this school year, when i entered seventh grade. then i started to ask myself rather- in my opinion- deep questions and begun to become intrigued with the concept of suicide. it wasn’t exactly like ‘ i hate my entire life and want to die’ or ‘ oh, dying sounds fun!’ but really with a simple thought: isn’t it amazing that people can be so terrified of confronting a problem/problems in their lives that they directly face a obstacle that is so feared by society in total? that is how it started but, as my ideas speculated and the outside world became even more threatening, i decided the concept of dying became more and more comforting. anyway, i don’t think i’m worthy of being called a suicidal, since i want to lie about my suicide instead. i’m a ‘in-the-closet-suicidal’.