I’ve been depressed for years and I@m starting to realise that it’s because i never felt loved growing up. My brohter bullied me by beating me and puttin gme down and making me feel like a loser all the time. He raped me when I was 9 years old. The problem is so complicated though because I never felt like I could go to my parents because they never seemed to give a sh*t about me… I loved them and my brother so much but they just treated me like dirt. When my parents split up, my dad just moved out and didn’t even think to tell me. Didn’t have the love and respect to think of me.
My problem now is where do I find the love now to trust people again. I realise that I’ve never ever trusted people, which is why I tried to achieve more than everybody else, because I felt like I was going to be constantly under attack from people because I didn’t trust them. So I just wanted to be better than them. But it’s made me so depressed and suicidal. I tried to finish it at xmas, but failed… I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to be loved but where do i find the people to love me that will replace the lack of love from my parents and brother????
Help.
7 comments
everyone wants to be loved..human nature..and you are,even though you feel like you are not,remember that first…. now, why? do you not feel loved by the people around you? low self esteem can be damaging, i am glad that you are here and have shared with all of us….its ok to admit that you might have some depression, most all of us on here do in some way shape or form, TRUST is a privilage, not a right, it is earned with time, its hard to open up to people we thought we trusted and tell all our faults only to have them react in a bad way, tyring to be ‘better’ than we mentallly,physically are for others only breaks us down…love IS in your destiny…be there~~~~~~
Hell of a question
I wish the “easy button” was actually real. That would help all of us.
yes we all want to be loved, we need to love, and we need to love ourselves. You need to protect yourself from your brother and stop any form of abuse, whether from him or your parents. You need to seek help, to reach out, find allies, find friends, and believe that you are intrinsically lovable and deserving of love. Take care of yourself.
I’ve never been loved either. My sisters and mother also treated me like sh*t. I was also bullied, beaten and put down. So yes, I understand completely where you are coming from. How to find love is something else. I guess we just have to get lucky and hope we find the right person/people to love us. And to stay away from people who are bad and who hurt us. People don’t change, no matter how much you hope and wish they will. If you stay near them, they will keep hurting you. So be careful who you surround yourself with.
Thanks for your responses…. i just feel so much pain all the time… My mother knows I’m depressed but never ever asks me how I’m feeling… Same with my sister… How can they be so cold? They know I’ve been suicidal and that I’m finding things really hard but they won’t even ask me about it. I try to talk about it with my mother and she changes the subject. Blatantly changes the subject. How can you be like that? And the best thing of all is that my mother casts herself as the martyr, the big victim with the ‘heart of gold’. She volunteers at a depression support group ffs !!!! The irony that she volunteers at that so she’s cast as Florence Nightingale but won’t even ask me how I’m doing… I told my family that my brother raped me, but not until I was in my 20’s. And my mother hasn’t even said it to my brother. Not even mentioned it. And my brother is welcomed with open arms by all the family. Why does nobody give a toss about me????????? What did I ever do not to be loved by my family? And if my family won’t love me and blatantly disregard me, then how am I supposed to be confident going out into the world? I just want some normality, but my family just refuse to give it to me and I feel like it’s damaged me for life. I’m in so much pain.
After eleven years, how do you expect her and your family to handle it?