I feel alone. Ever since I was placed in the hospital everyone thinks I was cured as soon as I got out. That’s not the case though. If anything I have gotten worse. My best friend betrayed me, I have turned back to cutting, I have turned to drugs and alcohol, and I am thinking about skipping my dosage of antidepressants everyday. I have become withdrawn and can’t trust anybody. I wish that my other two best friends could understand and help me. There are days where I want help and others where I feel hopeless. After more than two years of chronic depression, I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.
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3 comments
It’s not about recovery, just finding a level at which you are able to function and enjoy a quality of life. I think those things are achievable. As you get older you develop strategies to combat it. The first step is to identify the problem which you have. I went years without knowing what was wrong with me. My parents couldn’t see the signs because they didnt know anything. I told my teachers, I told everyone there was a serious problem but no one picked up on something that would be obvious these days. You will always have setbacks in life which bring it to the fore but you can develop skills like what I do is create an artificial environment where I’m safe and get me down. Medication will never give you what you want. An alchemist might be able to mix the cocktail better but the drugs that are available are not fully effective at least for me anyway.
I think the fact that you’re asking is a good sign… because it shows you’re aware of what’s happening and you realize things might need to be adjusted. Realizing is the first step… and an important one. Doing the adjusting is a bit harder but it’s worth the effort. You probably already know that drugs and alcohol aren’t the answer… and skipping your medications probably won’t help either. To start, I’d stay on the medications. If there is a reason that you’re questioning them, I’d speak with your doctor about your concerns.
Be careful pushing people away. I speak from experience with this. If you push people away, you won’t have to worry about trusting anybody because you’ll have self-isolated yourself. Although your friends may not completely understand the situation, perhaps they can still support you. If there are trust concerns, think about what is concerning you.
People tend to believe in/hope for overnight solutions. Lots of people think that doctors, hospitals, and clinics can provide instant resolutions. That’s generally not the case. Don’t hold yourself to the timelines of others. Take the time you need… and seek whatever you need… in order to take care of things. At the end of the day, you are your #1 concern.
I lost one of my best friends because I needed her in my most deperate time and she could deal with the fact that it was taking to long to heal. She couldn’t deal with the fact that I was suicidal and I believe she even denied that it was that big of a deal. That hurt me to the core and I began to doubt my other two best friends, those who I tell everything to. I already had trust issues before because I’m afraid of getting hurt.
I’ve already tried creating a “happy” place where everything is all right but it doesn’t work.
The drugs I am on make me feel weird and the fact that I am still majorly suicidal on them means that they are not doing their job.