I have no personal reason to live – ive looked for 5 years. now i just want people to agree with me instead of me fighting to find myself for the good of them. my mom i told once or twice – the first time during a meeting with my psyciatrist. y does that matter?

I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks 2 months ago after an episode were I cut my hair, flip shit at people and overdosed. ( my friends called 911). i can honestly say it was the most helpful thing ive done yet. youth workers, nurses, teachers and psychiatrists in the ward help create a treatment plan for me and although im still going through hell i have a better support system than ever (*hence the guilt to live). I have been dealing with acute anxiety and major deppression for 5 years. when iwas almost 16 my boyfriend at the time was the only one that knew i was deppressed (due to spending so much time with me and being the only person i have ever told things to without a second thought). he dragged me – literally – into our school counsellor who ended up calling a suicide prevention group who i was required to meet with weekly. eventually the counsellor made me tell my parents who did not believe their daughter was suicidal and yelled at me. that was the start of the tough part. after that untill i graduated i was pushed from therapist to doctor to psychologist to psyciatrist again and again. by grade twelve my parents believed me and tried to help. that was such a wieght lifted. the pysch ward stay was the time of discovery of my illness for my extended family whom i am still not comfortable with.

the point f my little history is that telling someone will start you on a new path that will have its own difficulties but also – if you stick with it – have great benifits such as feeling the support of loved ones again. its worth it. at least it will help them to try and comprehend you. also, just to reassure you, most inpatient places are short term (2/3 weeks) and simply to stabalize you. lots of suicide attempts can end up in them however most (from my experience) are peple with cronic mental illness such as borderline, bipolar, ect. some of those people visit the ward every month for a couple years cuz thats how often they relapse – but its that hospital time that stands them up again. long term is only for people who cant function in the world.

my advice – trust the system and let it help you. trust your family and let them love you. and finally trust yourself and let some control go. cuz i garentee its even more hopeless when isolated.