being alone

im so sick of people thinking they know me,
how can anyone know me if i dont really know myself?cause im not the main sorce of information for my own life?soon wen you let every body in, and they all hurt you, this mask doesnt do know good, it becomes to late, it can protect me from other people, but it cant protect me from myself,.has anyone ever felt like they wanna die,or even more wen you thiink of certain people?and its hard not to wen thats all u have,i try to be strong for 21 years, and the only thing iv accomplished is getting so worn down from trying to survive, that i cant be strong anymore,right wen you think your heart couldnt even brake anymore,it does,and going from damaged to desroyed in three years,its like i feel dead inside but i still feel me dieing slowly,how can i make happiness when i dont have happiness to make happiness out of?some people say its not good to isolate yourself from people,well its not anybetter then being around people that hurt you either,if i am already destroyed inside, then why would i want to know what could feel worse,i hope i get to go somewere better after i die,otherwise it wouldnt be fair that i existed,i put myself in an invisible box because theres no point of of not,noone understands me,noone listens,not even fucking counslers,they say noone can love you untill you love yourself, thats the biggest bullshit ever!what about them little babies that get left on the side of a road and noone loves them?how can they love themselfs first wen they dont even know how to crawl yet?or talk?how am i sapost to love my self if i aint worth it,if im not worth it to anyone els, then whats the point?people say they care, but anyone can say they care, just like anyone can say sorry,doesnt mean that they mean it.i just want to be done,