I’ve decided to bore you all with a day of my life to see if anyone can relate to having “a good life” and thus having no reason to feel so bad all the time. Let me save you some time and summarize: whine, whine, whine, *****, complain, I hate everything, my friend tried to kill herself.
BAM. just saved you oodles of time.
It’s 6am. I’m tired, already tired and the day hasn’t even started for me yet. I couldn’t sleep last night, just like most nights, and stayed up until 1. I put on clothes, they could be any clothes really, they could be dirty, they could be the ones I wore yesterday. It doesn’t matter but I know I’m setting myself up, it’s going to be 30 degrees (Celsius) today and people will come up to me and ask why I’m wearing jeans and a black hoodie. Im at my moms house, there’s no food, I don’t mind starving, no one notices anyway. First there’s early morning band where I have the pleasure of being told that nothing I play is right. I hug you in the bathroom as you cry your eyes out because this kid in class makes you feel like shit. First period, French. We do a stupid school survey. What prevents you from learning? My answer: Teachers, my friends: fishy crackers. Now I have biology, were doing a wing dissection, good excuse to “feel sick” and walk the school hallways. This could be any day of the year for me the all just blur together. Bell rings, it’s lunch. No one talks to me I’m invisible unless it’s convinient for you to not be invisible. It’s agreed that people in advanced placement just don’t understand what it’s like to be failing a class for stupid people. A long time ago I found that as long as I don’t talk I won’t be annoying and if I’m not annoying people wont hate me. It’s last period, nothing happened in third, I showed up sat down the bell rang and I left. It’s math, I failed that test yesterday. My friend is failing math, I don’t understand how, shes had a higher mark than me on every test this year, I’m not failing, I’m just passing, as usual. I’m good at underachieving. The teacher pulls me out of class. She’s mad at me because I have a passing grade. She thinks I could do better, I tell her I’m too lazy to do better. She tells me to move to the front of the class beside this girl who has a 98% overall average in the class so there’ll be “less distractions”. I don’t get the opportunity to tell her that I am my own biggest distraction. The bell rings. I have jazz practice so I work on theory for my end of the year exam. There’s no bell, I’m the last to leave. I go home promising myself that I’ll at least make an effort to do math homework. My moms mad at me, she says I don’t pay for anything. She knows very well though that I can’t get a job, no one will hire me because I won’t be here for two months because of the trip she planned without my consent. I eat for the first time today, mashed potatoes. I sleep for 5 hours. There will be no math homework done tonight. You text me, but only when it’s convenient for you. We haven’t talked in two years. You tell me you just got out of the hospital, you say you’re depression got worse. I know you want attention, so I take the bait and tell you I’m sorry to hear that, to stay strong, I don’t tell you that it will get better, because then id be lying. And now I’m stuck between today and tommorrow unable to sleep.
Also, Will I’m very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very sorry I didnt answer you for such a long time.
Best Wishes,
Friend Of A Friend