im a sophmore in highschool, and i have gone through a lot with my mom. My background story is fine nothing wrong as a kid my parents are still together blah blah. But it started in 7th grade. My mom started making me more and more angry as the days went on.. It didnt get real bad until 8th grade though. My mom was driving me to the point where i was suicidal. I didnt want to live here any longer. I attempted, was too scared and gave that attempt up, then about a week later, one of my former good friends decided to take […]
I feel like I just need to scream. I need to just scream and just keep screaming to get all these feelings out. I just want to be happy. After all my years of dealing with depression I’ve never wanted to be off this earth as much ad I do now. You’d think I have a good life, I work a lot, have honors and ap classes in school. But everything’s fake. I’m so fake. I wake up for school and put on a smile.I am abused. I’m a senior in highschool and Im being mentally abused by my freshman brother. I have this personality […]
Have to get this off my chest.
It’s eleven months ago today. Eleven months since he killed himself, my dear brother.
You know, the longest I ever had to miss him was 10 days. That was when he left for a camp with a youth movement. And I remember missing him so badly, I just couldn’t wait to see him again. I still can’t believe he’s not coming back now, I mean, how can he be gone? How can a life, built up over 16 long years, just disappear in a second?
If a stranger would come in our house, they wouldn’t even know he’s not […]
I haven’t been on here in months and I won’t deny that things have actually gotten much worse. I mean one minute I’m saying “I got this, I can make it” and the next I’m saying “okay I’ll just end it all on my 21st birthday.” My feelings go back and fourth. And now it’s just all coming back. My plan was to end it all on my 21st. To see if things ever get better. I realize that im still young, and all that, but some people just weren’t meant for life. Sometimes I feel bad because I wasn’t put through so much torture […]
I’m slipping back into depression. For the first time in months I deliberately took a razor to skin and edged it in. The familiar slice and twinge offered a precious moment free of the past that haunts me. It felt so GOOD. So tremendously good. My wrist is aching for a gash right now, but I can’t. My wrists are clean. Under my clothes isn’t so pure. It’s the only thing that offers freedom from pain, and I can only imagine that deeper cuts and a tub of warm water would offer all the more bliss. I can’t. I can’t kill myself, can’t and won’t. […]
New to this, but have experiences I would like to share and would also like any advice from others.
I have large scars on my leg from top of my thigh to the knee, some very long and wide. On my left arm I have scars on both sides of my arm including my wrist. I have been in this situation for six years. I use to live in small towns where scars were more acceptable so I showed off my arm with ease and didn’t have any issues. I moved to a city a few years ago and have found peoples reactions more of an […]
Hey, Im kind of new to this so probably wont explain myself very well. This is actually the first time Ive ever talked about this to anyone if this even counts. Anyways im not sure how I even ended up here I feel like im wasting who ever reads this’ time. I dont want pity I used to do a bit of counseling as a youth worker so I know all the lines like “life is potential death is that potential gone”, I know how to help others I just cant help myself. I dont want pity or sympathy just a logical reason and some […]
I’m holding a knife,is this the very end?
I’d like it to be better,I’d like to die beautifully ,but I don’t even have enough strengh to wear better clothes,to makeup,well…Farewell boys.I won’t be happy but I won’t suffer any longer at least.My last post so I wish you a good and long life.
He broke me down and got into my core, the capital of my heart. He happily resided in the blood of my soul, or so I thought. Unknowingly he was living in someone elses heart much more happily resided in theirs rather than mine. Caressed my mind with sweet nothings and empty words that should’ve been full of emotion. Worked into my brain and blindsided me from the signs. From the facts. I thought maybe somebody could be content and liberated with just me and no one else. Told me his fears and goals. Broke into tears full of heartbreak and confusion .. all for […]
I feel so desperate having no where else to vent to but lately I’ve been so alone. My friend and I had a shopping trip and I jokingly say we should have a sisterhood for a sweater and she says “I might be able to fit into your clothes but our other friend definitely Â won’t ” and she may not realize it but that was her calling me fat. I hate when she always hints indirectly that I am the fat friend. And I’ve been on my way loosing weight. I’ve lost 15 so far and plan on another 30 but I just don’t think […]
i did it again, i’m just sitting here waiting and wondering how is it, in all this years you never realize the marks on my arms, or the blood on my clothes.
i wonder how would you feel is you knew that every single cut i make myself is because of you mom.
it really doesn’t matter anymore. Im just tired.
im just waiting for something that tell me that is time, that i should cut deeper and try to sleep.
My name’s Caitlin. I’m nearly 14 and you’re probably going to have a rant at me for saying this and only being 13 but it’s how I feel and I need to tell someone.
My life won’t be as bad as anyone else. To be honest, my life isn’t even that bad – unless you look closer. I get bullied at school, online, and even sometimes on the street. It started when I was 10. I started cutting. I don’t know why I just did. It went on for a year then it stopped. I started to be happy again. It was great!
When I started High […]
This is my first time posting on here, and I would like to read some first hand accounts of hospitalization after a suicide attempt, or being hospitalized for threatening to do so. I would like to know whether you feel it helped you or made you feel worse. Were you diagnosed with a mental illness and do you still want to kill yourself?
Bought components for helium bag online last fallÂ (live in a small town so it was easier to find online). I suppose I was acting a little too disconnected from others and my boyfriend caught on before I could summon the courage to […]
Got displacedï»¿ so far from home
When I left, it’s on my own
Had someone, she used to stay
But I was cruel and I drove her away
Couldn’t get along with people I’ve known,
I changed my name. I changed my clothes.
But these old men, where have they gone now?
There’s not an issue they’d back due.
I say hi, what’re you d-d-d-doin over there?
Here I go down again
Lost my love all my friends
No one’s left no more debts
I found out all I got is myself
My mind tells me that I am a prisoner trapped in my own fuckin body. I so desperately need to be free from this little thing we call life, to just leave this God forsaken planet. I have so much rage, hate, and anger pent up in side me I literally feel as if I could explode, I try my best to keep it under lock an key (I mean what kind of man can’t even control his own emotions) but sometimes it gets the best of me and I usually end up trying to cave someone’s face in. And it feels great at the […]
everything im freaking out about right now – clothes, pimples, classes, homework, friends, boys, cutting, – it all seems so huge and like its all that matters.
but then i think about the future. in 10 years its wont matter who dated who for how long and who had a fight with who. it wont matter.
it wont mean anything.
but i want it to matter.
so im making myself a promise.
im going to stop thinking about the future and how things will be in a month, a year, a decade.
thinking about it now will not effect the outcome of my entire life. so the only thing i will […]
Two days ago I did something horrible, something awful, terrible if you will. I got drunk. Now, that might not seem that bad in and off itself, so let me elaborate: it wasn’t at a bar. It wasn’t with friends. It wasn’t even on my own like I often do. No, it was in a restaurant. With my family. The drunkest I have ever been. Blackout drunk. Throwing up drunk. Unable to walk drunk. All off the wine they bought for themselves. My mum had to help me walk home, that much I remember. I don’t remember what happened after we got home, […]
I roll to my other side to be greeted by an empty bed once more. The imprint of your body still engrave in the mattress. The smell of your cologne and stale cigarette smoke, from long sleepless nights, still lingers in the air. A bottle of cheap liqueur solitarily stands on that old mahogany dresser. Clothes strewn across the room from lust filled endeavours, fueled by the cheap elixir of love. The shattered remains of our love lays in pieces on the floor, alongside the broken china. I lay here an wonder what it was all for?
I somehow manage to drag myself from our un-matriomonial […]
Every night I have to convince myself not to do something drastic.
I have to look at myself in the mirror, and I have to lecture myself for so long just to tell myself not to cut, not to think terrible thoughts, not to attempt suicide, not to cry, not to do anything that harms myself.
I think I’m losing myself.
I’m not feeling as how I used to.
I can’t stay happy. I fake a smile when I’m in school.
But I don’t talk. People talk to me, and I nod as a sign that I’m listening. I’m done with talking.
I don’t know if I’m […]
I’ve told you her story now I’ll tell you mine. I’m Angel and I’m 13, I’ve gone through so much though so don’t judge me on my age. I’ve been raped and beaten, I’ve been hated on and abused, both physically and mental, I’m suicidal and IÂ cut. I’ve gone through so much and I don’t understand why I’m here anymore. Why do I have to live on this earth full of haters? Anyway, when I was 10 I was put up for adoption and I was taken in by a family in Louisiana. They were okay, for the first week. They had 5 other kids […]