i’ve done it. i’ve made the decision to end my life. though tears are running down my face, i couldn’t be happier. i feel so peaceful, genuinely happy. a feeling i’ve never felt inmy life before. i’m not giving up, i’m just giving in. for years i’ve felt like an empty shell, being carried by the river out to sea to be drowned and i don’t mind. i don’t really want to die, i suppose, i just want to rest my head. i’m okay with it, i accept this situation. may my body be the last i see and my heartbeat the last that i hear. there are only two people in this world that i want to say my goodbyes to. my darling scott, my partner, my very best friend. i love you so very much. you’re just like an angel in my dreams, but in reality you’re a monster and the way you treat me is so unbearable. i wish you’d learn quicker but i suppose i would have had to wait. i said i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and i am. i just love you! and bear, my little man, the only thing that’s kept me on this earth for too long, i love you. mummy loves you and even though she’s gone, she’ll never stop. you won’t see me again, but you will find another mummy who loves you, not quite as much (cuz i don’t think that’s possible) but enough, and one day you won’t remember me quite so much.
so that’s it. i think i just wanted to leave a few words on this earth but my time has come, and i can’t wait to meet our lord god, our creator. may his warm arms embrace me as i’m welcomed into heaven and may the light that i see be as warm as the day.
good bye 🙂
7 comments
If you believe in god then he won’t accept you if you kill yourself, suicide is murder to him. I don’t believe in him myself. I normally don’t recommend someone no do it, but think about your little man, he needs his mother. Just leave your husband if thats the problem.
Don’t leave your son behind. Can you imagine what hurt he will grow up with? All because his mother killed herself?? I’m sorry cause I know how you feel but I completely disagree with leaving kids behind. There is my number #1 no no. I’m still a teen but if I was an adult and had kids….even with the way I feel right now I would NEVER commit suicide because of them. Even if I had to suffer everyday for the rest of my life. I would never want to leave that kind of hurt and suffering to my child.
agreed w/ determined_rebel ..
and IMO you can’t leave a child behind, not until (s)he’s at least in his/her early 20’s
Readinq this broke my heart:/
coulnd’t agree more with determined_rebel. You can’t leave your son to face the world alone. You are the one he cherishes and needs to grow into a man. You have to put your pain aside. All you will do is create a son who will hate you for what you did, and likely he will fall into the same depression you have. Do you want that for the son you love? I can’t tell you it will be easy because it won’t. We struggle far worse than others, we see the dark side of everything in life. If you don’t think there is good, look into your sons eyes, the ones that love you so much. Do your son a favor and make it through one more day. We are all here with you trying to do the same. I will be praying for you
You shouldn’t let him grow up with a parent dead. Think about it. No matter how bad you feel you should try to push through it for them. If your expecting to meet god when you die. I don’t think he would be happy you left another child without a mom. I know he might later on get one but it won’t be nearly close to the same.
I’m reading through old messages and it’s never easy feeling like you do and hate will never help, if you had to leave your kid behind then you obviously had no choice and I hope you found some rest at last whether you did decide to take your life or not.