I wake up in the morning, like a lot of us do, wanting do die. I feel like hell and I only get the briefest of glimpses of what it would be like to feel well. I feel like I’ve been maimed by life, damaged. I’m just surviving at this point. I’ve been beaten. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad, that when I feel worse I laugh at myself for not acknowledging, that I felt “better,” somehow before.
I vacillate between wanting to be murdered and wanting to experience more suffering.
2 comments
yes…I feel so bad…I feel so bad…I hurt…I hurt…
something else may be happening… the early life threatening body memories are coming out chemically, released out of your cells. They’ve been stored and repressed until now. Your body senses them as an enemy, you feel sick, unwell. Your body fights the threat. The body washes them up to your awareness, now your emotions are engaged, and they in turn engage and inform the cognition. The cognition’s first impulse is the deny and repress, but your body is the tabernacle of your truth, it makes the true diagnosis, as it first stored the memory to survive, now it wants to release it to heal…one by one, little by little, primal pain is triggered and released, until your reservoir is completely emptied… come healing of the body, come healing of the mind…