Yesterday I was drinking again, behaved like an idiot around a girl I was dating a while ago. Had a verbal fight over the telephone with my brother – told him that I was trying to kill myself several times this year. Then I had a talk with a friend and he told that the other people would very sad if I kill myself on the other hand I don’t believe that. I know that my funeral would be attended by a few hundred people but how come I feel like being nothing, I’m terribly lonely, I don’t feel like having a life at all. All I want is a job I like and so that I can rent my own appartment, have kids someday and that seems to be completely impossible.
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3 comments
Enjoyable job, an apartment and a family can happen for you.
But only if you keep living.
You feel the way you do because you are seeking your own reasons to live.
And yet you have already found at least four that seem to touch your heart.
If it’s something you want you must be in complete agreement that it will come about…if you can conceive it, it will be born into your experience but if you doubt it, you get in the way of your own self. Kind of like arguing with yourself…saying I want this and another part of you says that won’t happen. We all do it.
Btw, drinking and all that carries a positive intention…we’re striving to feel good, you’re want to feel better. So maybe just choose to think & feel things that foster and cultivate that state within you…when you make feeling good your main focus on attention, the things we want come easily. It’s just how it works. Focus on wanting to feel good (or not)…up to you. You deserve great stuff in your life as we all do. Cheers!
Thanks for your replies… 🙂