8 Months since my first suicide attempt (overdose), 3 more overdoses and hospitalizations added and the last few weeks more and more time spent at the psychiatric unit, so many weeks I have spent there and nothing helps.
I am really sad now, but I see the end. Have cleared my office out, written some lines to explain my pain (though I never thought I would do that) and now spend the days crying even more because I know that I really only have a few days left. This time I am not going to go for the OD, even though I should have died already. This time it is hanging and I really hope that it works this time.
I am so tired, so very tired and life rushes past me and I am so alone.
6 comments
I wish I qot know you before you decided this!For what It’s worth I bet you had the sliqhtest time In the ward!Hanqinq yourself sounds like I’d hurt!
I wish you the best!
I can understand how your feeling i just got out of the psych unit 2 weeks ago. Id been in the er though a bunch of times for overdose im calm but still in a lot of pain yesterday jolted me back to suicide cause a friend ditched me in church. But you know think of this way there are consuquences if you kill yourself and im not talking about hell i believe thats a bunch of bull just like gays dont go to hell. But im talking about what comes after this what if theres nothing what if its worse and what if your still depressed if you live you got to deal with the people you hurt and you got to deal with being treated like a child who cant take care of themselves. Its hard but think really hard before you do anything. Also what might help is when you think about suicide just tell yourself ill kill myself tommorow then the next day keep telling yourself that itll keep you going and you can always talk to me if you want
lifeishorrible – thanks for commenting. I have tried to OD 5 times and it just isn’t working. Hanging is not what I really want, I want the OD to work, but it just doesn’t, even with 70 strong sleeping pills. I think a combo of sleeping pills and suspension hanging is the way to go.
Passionfruit3
Thanks for commenting.
Sorry to hear that you are also in the depths of despair with OD and psych units. Spent my first 2 weeks 8 months ago, went ok for a month or so then spiraled out of control and in November OD twice, picked up by police on several occasions out of my mind and sent to psych units. Kept myself free for a few months and then 2 months ago tried to OD 3 times and have just got out of Psych again, cannot go back. You are right, just try and try every day to say tomorrow I’ll kill myself and then the same when tomorrow comes. That has been my life the last few weeks. Fled town a few days ago to avoid killing myself, but now I am back I know that it just isn’t going to work.
I guess nobody knows what comes after, I believe nothing, which is where I find peace. I have 2 children, but when I cannot find peace, only pain, what help am I. Have hardly seen them the last year. I know it will affect them, but I am in so much pain I cannot stay anymore. I know that I only have a few days left, which is why I see the end. Telling yourself tomorrow, tomorrow. I have been doing that for months and in the end that hurts even more.
Hope that you can get through your issues.
yo inbox me on facebook, lets talk lets work this out, i dont wanna see you do this. Youre a beautiful person. Please write me http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000490795857
i also have two young children, and i feel like everyday is my last, but we have to make it through this! our children need us more than we can ever imagine
I would have to kill myself before I have kids or I wouldn’t be able to do it. I’ve been abandon by way too many people to do that to them. I know how it feels to be abondoned by both my parents too. I understand you’re in pain but please don’t put them through that. At least don’t leave them thinking it’s their fault. At the very least give them a letter or something because it hurts terribly to think a parent left because of you. Try to think of them first. I’m not saying you’re completely selfish for wanting to do it but I’m saying it’s unfair to them to leave them thinking it’s their fault that u left them.