Everything will feel better when I’m back in Florida with my mom. I do want to die now but I’ve chosen to put it off. I want to see my mom again first. And when I’m there all of this will go away. And those who know I’m suicidal because of where I am now, my grandparents, being taken away from my mom ect., ask why I want to come back after summer. Because I do want to die. I want to kill myself so bad. But I’m not doing it there. I’m not going to kill myself in Florida, a place that has only shown me true joy and peace and freedom, with the people who have done everything they could for me. I would rather live under a bridge with my mom than in a mansion with my grandparents. But my views on life now are embedded. I will come back after summer and I will most likely kill myself soon after. I want to now but I can’t let go. I need to see my mom one one more time. I never really got to say goodbye
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Hi Dawn
I can see that you have a lot of pain with having being taken away from your mom. It must be hard to not be around her.
Florida sounds great, I can imagine you would want to be there all the time. How long is it before YOU can decide where you want to be in life? I know waiting for even a week or even a day can be hell most of the time, but maybe it is not too long until then? At the moment I find things every day to keep fighting for another day. Generally I am not good at it, but it can somewhat help (even though I acknowledge the bad side too). I think I will post and explain.
As to killing yourself in Florida. Think over that. You might feel very good down there and maybe can see ways to keep fighting. If you got to Florida with the intention of saying goodbye and killing yourself, it might take away what could be a good time. I know when I have thought about saying goodbye it is planned and it can feel good. When I left things behind and was kind of saying goodbye the last time, it was such a relief, but there is also a large touch of sadness.
Hope you are ok today.
Take care