It is so beautiful outside!

It is so beautiful outside! It is really warm and sunny.  just look at this blue sky, such a deep blue…

Here I am sitting in my apartment, looking out of the window, wondering what is live for.

I am so disappointed from live. Everything has come different then I thought. All those people I don’t know. All those people who are outside having fun together. Why? what is so funny about being outside with people you barely know? I don’t want to meet new people, it is so exhausting, always introducing myself and almost every time I check them out and know that we won’t become friends. you know? EVERYONE tells me what a beautiful time it is. To be a student at a university. But I know the truth for my life. It is a very lonely time. Maybe someday I will find some friends, but not today and not next week or month. That is the point where I wish i was dead. I don’t see a good thing in life. Of course there are good things in life. For example love or friends or exciting activity like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B36Lr0Unp4 I would not want to make this rope swing but just being there and watching other people must be so great ( lot of videos of   devinsupertramp are so awesome, but I know this isn’t reality. Reality is far more boring and I am so tired of this reality. I wonder if there will be a time when I can say, I loved it. There was a time, that was so great, but those few weeks are now long gone and a lot of shit had happened to me since this time. Of course I could change my life, but I am too tired to change. I have no mental resources left to change myself. All I can do is wait. Waiting on better days…