I’m alone. I’m under the impression that everyone hates me and so I isolate myself as to avoid annoying them. I don’t know how many people actually hate me but to me it feels like everyone. Yesterday I was home alone for the entire day. I mustve been numb because there where tears running down my face all day. The thought of making those two final red marks down my arms made me feel so happy. My skin began to itch with want and need. I imagined dragging a knife down my arms, somewhere where they wouldn’t find me. Alone. I just want to go. I’m so done with everything. I give up. I hate being surrouned by people, I hate being alone. I hate everything. I don’t even care that summers coming. School, summer, it doesn’t matter to me, its all the same, just wasting away waiting for something. I don’t know what I’m waiting for but I know it’s never coming. I’m tired of not going through with it. I’m tired of wanting attention. I’m just so tired.
Sorry for wasting your time.
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3 comments
You ARENT alone. Someone hears you, I hear you. I know your pain but you cant give up just yet. I know how it feels to want to disappear. I’m glad i read this. It isnt a waste of time at all. I’d be your friend and someone to talk to when you wanted/needed it. Dont give up
-Friend Of Yours 🙂
People hate what they dont understand, as opposed to hating someone because they tried to destroy you destroy your family your poeple, etc.
I dont hate you. I actually like you. You have the guts to come here and write. You are not done. In fact, me thinks you are just beginning.
You didn’t waste my time, you actually fulfilled it. I would tell you to cut the evil government/society that is doing this to you, dont cut yourself, but that is for you to find out. For some things our government is good, others, they deserved to sliced and diced.
I can completely relate to this post, and you know, it made me feel less alone so I hope my comment does the same for you. I’m thoroughly convinced I’m an inherently unlikeable person – I do have friends, few as they are, but even a lot of them get annoyed with my inclination towards depression and cynicism. I also inherently believe any new person I meet will hate me, nobody will employ me, nobody will ever care about me. I don’t know why I feel this way. it’s possibly because I know what I’m like inside my head and I too want someone to justfy my self-hatred by hating me too.
You are not alone, though. You’re really not.