Stop.

I can relate to some of what you said. I think the exhaustion feeling might just come from being an extreme introvert. People think being an introvert/extrovert has to do with whether or not you are shy, but I prefer the definition that simply states introverts feel drained by interacting with other people and need their alone time to recharge, whereas extroverts are the opposite, they hate being alone and they feed off of attention and activity with others. If you find it exhausting to simply deal with other people then you may just be a major introvert, and it doesn’t make life easy.

This might sound crazy but since you mentioned not smoking or drinking or cutting but wishing you had an outlet, I’d suggest working out. (First let me congratulate you on NOT giving in to any of those bad habits. Be proud!) It might seem impossible to think of finding the energy to exercise when you’re already depressed, but if you can convince yourself to do it, it honestly works. You don’t even have to go overboard and start looking at workout programs or anything crazy, I’m saying getting down and doing 10-20 pushups is exhausting enough for the average person to really blow off some steam. Squats are even better, your legs are the largest muscles you have and just doing a sitdown-standup movement as many times as you can handle will really get your blood flowing. Exercise really does release chemicals that boosts your mood. It’s made me change the way I feel about cutting. People tend to think cutting takes some amount of courage to do it, or those of us who are depressed think we hate ourselves sooo much by putting these little slices into our flesh. I would MUCH rather cut than have somebody tell me to do squats until I feel like throwing up. Start doing some crazy weight lifting and you start to realize that cutting really is as wimpy and overdramatic as everyone says it is. If you’re in a bad mood, hate yourself, hate the world, hate whatever, do some type of exercise. People cut for the same reason, because it releases endorphins that actually make you feel better. Kinda like how crying is viewed as a sad event but in reality we all know it feels awesome to finally start crying when we’ve been holding it in for a while. So rather than chasing feel good chemicals through bad habits like cutting, cigarettes, drinking, or anything else, I think a lot of people here should give exercise a try. That’s my rant.