I’m fine again. A few weeks ago I was about to kill myself but right now I want to jump from a bridge just for fun and feel the adrenalin, I know I’m crazy but this is my high and as long it gets, as hard the down will be.
I hate this thing on my life that I can’t never be happy for a while, if I get some hapiness then something bad happens and it’s taken away from me. Right now I have a crush on this beautiful girl (I’m bisexual) so all I want is speak to her and spend time around but in a few more weeks, when she gets to realize that (I definitely think she’s straight) then she’ll look at me in a weard way and I’ll feel bad.
I know you’d say “think positve, just live the present and may be she could be interested on you too” but I just can’t stop thinking that will happen and it’s going to be hell again…
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The worst she can say is no.
Just ask her is she interested in women as well.
Are you openly bisexual?
If so then there should not be too much personal issue with letting your interest be known.
You know, I hate when people are prejudice against gay or lesbian or bisexuals. I have nothing against them and I’m totally straight. They are people. And I’m glad you didn’t die. I was there last weekend. Really bad. ABout to kill myself, but one person kept me from doing it the whole night.
@U. N. Owen I’m not openly, my parents would kill me or something because they are homopohobic -ironic-. The worst she can do is tell other people in the school…
@determined_rebel I’m glad you didn’t die either, good thing there was someone to help you go trough. How are you now?
@Angel- I’m ok. They raised my meds after they found out I tried hanging myself. I feel weird. I’m on a self destructive path but hey whatever. I just don’t give a damn anymore.
I never took my meds when they wanted me to, does it feel like being high? Like looking everything but not thinking or something like that? Show you are fine if you don’t like to take them, then they will lower the dose.
Yeah well I was fine before but then I tried hanging myself. And my cutting is getting worse. So I mean I guess I needed it but I don’t. I don’t feel high, its more like I’m not myself. I don’t feel myself.
What was so bad you tried to do it? Hide the all the pointed objects so you wont be able to harm yourselve if you feel you are going to, I do that and it works if you have a strong decision of keep right where you are no matter what.
Um I was super depressed. My parents were yelling at me. I felt alone. I had no one to contact. I was trapped in my room. My stepdad tackled me. I was actually crying which never happens. It just happened. I hated myself and my life.
And I like cutting though. Like I try to find sharp objects so that I can cut. It has just gotten really bad. It makes me feel in control of myself.
Tackled you?
As in Rugby tackle?
Yeah I guess. I blacked out for a minute. When I could see again I found out I was pinned. IT freaked me out.
He might not have meant it. I know it’s different when his your stepdad. If I got involved with a women who had kids from another relationship, albeit unlikely that I would; I would not take it upon myself to discipline those children. It wouldn’t feel right. Not that I would physically discipline a child anyway. I used to get the odd smack around the war when I was a kid and it didn’t do me any harm. But my parents were generally very lenient.
War= ear
No he meant it. They didn’t want me leaving my room, which freaked me out so they tackled me.
There are lots of worse things than being tackled. I know your a girl but if it only happened once….
Are you sure the incident isn’t being compounded by everything else that has happened.
It doesn’t matter. My life sucks and that was one little thing added on to the pile
I know but it’s not going to be that way forever.
Are you at school? Where do all the SP school contingent find time to access the site during the day?
Well, I sometimes post from all sorts of strange places like public parks, in the street, in pubs and even for court whilst I’m waiting for a case to be called on.
Um yeah I’m at school. My school is online so I can access this site all I want.
And I wouldn’t be so sure that my life will stop sucking.
Does that mean you have a computer in every class. Back in my day all we had was a lectern and fountain pen!
I don’t move from class to class. I go to a very small private school. Each high schooler has their own personal laptop. Its more like homeschooling really. And I would actually prefer have textbooks and notebooks.
Your parents must care for you to pay for private tuition.
If they cared they would’ve moved me out of this school a long time ago. I hate it here. There’s no challenge and I don’t really get a good education. My mom just wants me somewhere where I’m not bothering her. Which is all fine because I don’t ever want to be around her.
Out of interest, what are you learning right now.
I am teaching myself US history, Chemistry, and Trig. I am being taught English. That’s it.
No wonder your so rebellious.
Ha why do you say that?