Have i reached the point when i stop caring, when the numbness finally wraps me coldly…or am i just crazy
I don t know but it feels great. I can’t eat which is awesome and i hope it will last because i wanted too lose weight anywayz. I can’t sleep either which concerned me since i could sleep like always at every time of  the day and sometimes i overslept the entire day. I am failing exams and not studying but i don t feel guilty. I am not happy nor sad or angry i am just here, existing and it s fine. i wanted this right?! I also decided to stop sharing my problems if i have any with anybody, instead u just reply i am ok or never mind, or i don’t care. my mom was suspicious today and asked me for sure if i was alright; i said i was great but my voice was so indifferent that i almost started laughing to myself. i am still pretty bad at lying.
i was starring at him today, he may be the trigger but i am still not sure. he has such a nice face and wasn’t even trying to hide my admiration. i feel pretty strange now when i accepted the fact that things won’t ever change and i am actually fine with it. i can still come here at my safe place and share my nonsense. so i am maybe a little bit looking forward to the weekend because i am going to have some sort of date, or let s just say meeting with a friend. of course i am pretty aware it won t end well or as i was hoping for ( even though i am not sure if i am hoping anymore).
i manage to put to sleep the weak part of myself. and now let the games begin. ^^