when other people want you here!

I have had bipolar or was diagnosed at 14 years old, i have tried many times to end my life. It has caused me to be hopitalized on more than one occasion. But not for the mental health issues but for the physical side affects. My bipolar is not controlled by meds and i do not see a phycitrist i go to my family doctor but they seem to think my personality makes me have bipolar? i did not think this was possible?. My family are very disspondent now and it is almost like her she gose again. But i am now 26 and i can no longer cope with normal interactions as i can not tell if my feelings are real. Every time i do try to commit suicide my family say they need me here but should i just stay here for them when every day is becoming more and more of a personal hell. They say i am selfish but am i? my thoughts are constantly of hurting my self or comminting suicide. I overdose in small amounts everyday with a range of meds but still wake up each day! when i say small amounts its more like a box of pills! I dont know why? i am at a very low eb at this moment in time so have taken to the routine of stock pileing meds. I have not really gone out of the house in a week and a half and even the thought terrifies me. But what should i do next? ride it out so i am manic for a few we