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I am sorry that you are in so much pain at the moment.

Don’t feel guilty about being depressed even when you have support and are in a good place. You cant chose it really.

Don’t give up – not yet. I am in a similar place – I am married – have 2 great kids and a very, very patient husband. but things that happened to me long ago still seem to control my feelings and that sucks.

I have signed an agreement not to suicide – It has made things a lot easier in the long run. I have good help in a councilor and I am working through some really bad shit.

Naming feelings is hard – I keep a list near my computer and try to match what I feel with words. sometimes it is ok just to say – my chest is tight and my arms are tense if that is all you can describe.

I don’t know what else to say – except you are not alone- lots of people on this site feel the same way and we understand (as far as we can – often it is similar but not exact) and we can certainly empathize with you.

take your time with writing and dont be hard on yourself but do go on – give yourself time and what you need to say will come out.