I have 3 children who I love dearly but I have been feeling resentful even angry that I had them. My older 2 are 17 and 13 but my youngest is only 7 . I have promised everyone but mainly my husband that I would stick around until they are all adults. Now that just seems so so so far away and the desire of death just gets stronger and stronger. I can understand why people who love me are scared but death does not scare me at all. I would not wait another day if I did not have kids. I have heard a millon times and I agree that my death would be a huge thing for my kids to cope with would ruin there lifes so I keep fighting. Now I have told myself so much I have to keep living for them I have started to resent them and wish I never had them which is just so awful when I love them so much 🙁
I’m not telling you what to do but i found my mum after an overdose (Trying to kill herself) and all i can say is the reason it’s ruined my life, I started drinking, taking countless drugs, cutting and failed most of my exams. She is still alive and is the only reason i haven’t committed suicide. I’m not telling you to stay alive if you’re in so much pain, don’t worry I’ve even tried to take my own life once. My mother was the same, resented me but couldn’t find reasons why she did. Go see your doctor, you might have mental health issues, you may never get over what has happened to you or whatever illness you have, but finding peace with your mind may be the key into finding happiness in your life again, by the time my mum had attempted suicide it was too late for her to ever be happy about anything other than the thought of death. Things will never be the same with me and her, nothing has damaged me more than finding my mum frothing at the mouth and reading the words “I cant cope, I’sorry”.
A dear friend of mine found her mother dead on her 18th birthday and in a pool of blood. It was like she was waiting until she was 18 and couldn’t wait another day. I also know how it has effected my friend and could never do that to my kids love to much. I just hating having to stick around but it was my choice to have them not there choice so I have to see it through . Just on dark days I reasent having to stay alive not my kids. Children r inncocent and the cause of no ones pain. I have a bad realtionship with my mother who also has depression and has always made me feel all her problems were my fault. I think cause she was forever crying I find it so hard to cry don’t wanna my kids to know I’m sad or think for one minute it is there fault. I have thearpy and I’m on meds a anti depressant I take in the morning and a anti anxiety med I take at night. Just hate life i guess but don’t think it is anyones fault just lack of love I guess 🙂
Thank you for replying it is good to see things on the other foot so to speak x
Well it’s certainly not your fault, no one feels like they can’t live for a reason. I understand why my mum done what she did because i’ve felt the exact same and i can forgive her, but i will never forget. You can’t just stay alive for your kids, trust me eventually they will pick up on the fact you’re not happy, you just need to find something that makes you feel like YOU want to live, find happiness within yourself, otherwise this will only manifest and you’ll sink into a deeper depression.
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what’s the matter hun?
I have 3 children who I love dearly but I have been feeling resentful even angry that I had them. My older 2 are 17 and 13 but my youngest is only 7 . I have promised everyone but mainly my husband that I would stick around until they are all adults. Now that just seems so so so far away and the desire of death just gets stronger and stronger. I can understand why people who love me are scared but death does not scare me at all. I would not wait another day if I did not have kids. I have heard a millon times and I agree that my death would be a huge thing for my kids to cope with would ruin there lifes so I keep fighting. Now I have told myself so much I have to keep living for them I have started to resent them and wish I never had them which is just so awful when I love them so much 🙁
I’m not telling you what to do but i found my mum after an overdose (Trying to kill herself) and all i can say is the reason it’s ruined my life, I started drinking, taking countless drugs, cutting and failed most of my exams. She is still alive and is the only reason i haven’t committed suicide. I’m not telling you to stay alive if you’re in so much pain, don’t worry I’ve even tried to take my own life once. My mother was the same, resented me but couldn’t find reasons why she did. Go see your doctor, you might have mental health issues, you may never get over what has happened to you or whatever illness you have, but finding peace with your mind may be the key into finding happiness in your life again, by the time my mum had attempted suicide it was too late for her to ever be happy about anything other than the thought of death. Things will never be the same with me and her, nothing has damaged me more than finding my mum frothing at the mouth and reading the words “I cant cope, I’sorry”.
A dear friend of mine found her mother dead on her 18th birthday and in a pool of blood. It was like she was waiting until she was 18 and couldn’t wait another day. I also know how it has effected my friend and could never do that to my kids love to much. I just hating having to stick around but it was my choice to have them not there choice so I have to see it through . Just on dark days I reasent having to stay alive not my kids. Children r inncocent and the cause of no ones pain. I have a bad realtionship with my mother who also has depression and has always made me feel all her problems were my fault. I think cause she was forever crying I find it so hard to cry don’t wanna my kids to know I’m sad or think for one minute it is there fault. I have thearpy and I’m on meds a anti depressant I take in the morning and a anti anxiety med I take at night. Just hate life i guess but don’t think it is anyones fault just lack of love I guess 🙂
Thank you for replying it is good to see things on the other foot so to speak x
Sorry for bad typing is 1.48am here 🙁
Well it’s certainly not your fault, no one feels like they can’t live for a reason. I understand why my mum done what she did because i’ve felt the exact same and i can forgive her, but i will never forget. You can’t just stay alive for your kids, trust me eventually they will pick up on the fact you’re not happy, you just need to find something that makes you feel like YOU want to live, find happiness within yourself, otherwise this will only manifest and you’ll sink into a deeper depression.
Thanks 🙂
Might be easier said then done though x
It is, I’m still searching but knowing that there’s always enough time to change is enough to help me start trying to get back to the way i was.